New Blog!!!

Go here to read it xxxxxxxxxxx

My Gorgeous Princess....

31 weeks... how many to go?

Taken today, Oct 30th, 2010 : 31 weeks

It is quite frustrating not knowing when these babes are going to arrive! I feel like I have nothing to count down to ~ in my head I'm aiming for my birthday (they'll be 35 weeks) but that's just a date I've come up with lol. I will get some indication of how they are growing on Monday as I have a growth scan but even then, I'm guessing it will just be a waiting game.

I'm feeling VERY big atm and consequently, am struggling physically. I have one more week of work to go and am really looking forward to that ending now. I've been coping fine with it but have reached a point where I just want to be on my couch all day!

I have arm braces for Carpal Tunnel which is great ~ they help so much, especially at night. Apparently I have another compressed nerve which is causing pain down the other side of my arm but we are focusing on treating the CT atm. I've also been upgraded to a large brace (lol) and I'm hoping that helps with the pelvic and sciatic pain...

I'm slightly over being pregnant now. Apart from feeling the babies move, I'm just not enjoying it anymore. Of course though, I want them to stay in for at least another 5 weeks.... we shall see :)

V xx

My Beauty

It's been a while since I posted and I'm sitting here thinking about my girl and thought it was time for a pic update :)

How can my princess be turning 8 in one week? I just can't believe it. At the same time though, she's grown up so much this year ~ it's scary.

We often joke about how I have the best kid in the world and how all of the other mummies missed out. Kara corrects me and says that all mums think that and I then tell her that they are wrong :P

She's my world. She's just such a special little girl and it's an absolute honour to be her mum.

xx

My Nanny McPhee!

Just a quick post (as a means to procrastination.... I really need to list some things on Ebay).

A couple of weeks ago at school, Kara needed to dress up as a book character :) She looked sooooo hilarious and won out of the years 1/2 in her school parade. She was one happy little chicky lol.

V xx

All Over.

For those of you who have been following our court nightmare, you'll be pleased to know it's all over. Finally.

Our trial was set for five days, beginning on Monday... a five day trial is quite rare. Basically, Kara's father was going for full custody, for reasons I will never understand.

Day one of the trial. I arrived at court, not really knowing what to expect to be honest. That's what I hate most about the process.... there are so many unknowns and the thought of a stranger dictating what happens with your child's future is sickening. Within minutes of arriving, my lawyer came in telling me... "he has changed his mind ~ he doesn't want primary care". To be honest, I didn't know what to think. I wanted to cry from relief but at the same time, I wanted to shoot him. How could he put us through what he has for NOTHING. Absolutey nothing. To me, it just shows me that it's all been a game to him and it angers me beyond words.

So now, things pretty much stay as they are with respect to time ~ Kara starts going there 50% of the time which was going to happen anyway BUT the way in which it happens has changed for the better. The thing that Kara has always found difficult has been the long periods away from her home with me. She hates it. She negatively anticipates it and it just makes it so hard for her. So now, the arrangement is such that she is only away from me (and the babies when they're born) for a maximum of three nights at a time (instead of 7). It also means she isn't with me for a full week at a time but I think she will cope much better with the new regime, than with the 7 straight nights with her father.

In addition, I can now attend school events or any other important events without him being able to tell me to leave ~ another bonus. There are other things that also benefit my princess but I am so exhausted now that I can't remember any of them!!!

So, for everybody who has been so supportive over the past 4 years, thank you so much. I still don't believe that 50-50 parenting is best for Kara but it's much better than what I was fearing and hopefully she will cope better with the new routine. If not, maybe one day he will actually listen to her and next time court will be avoided.

V xxx

One More Week

One of Kara's fav things at Dreamworld is the Wild Thornbury's Ball Room... she loves it!

My baby's first real rollercoaster... she was soooo cute!!

Kara with Molly ~ her Build a Bear she made in Qld





Feeding an Elephant at Australia Zoo!

The reaction when she got elephant snot on her hand lmao

With Bindi and Bob lol

Kara was really moved by the animal hospital at Australia Zoo. We sat at this window for over an hour so she could watch the koalas wake up after surgery

LOL

Beautiful Girl... she loves the water

Being a Mermaid!

Well, I thought I would give an update of where we're at with our lives!

For those of you who have followed this blog, you will know that for four years, there has been a bitter custody battle running in the background. On Monday week, it will finally be over.

The long and the short of it is that Kara's father is saying that Kara should live with him on a full time basis, seeing me every alternate weekend. Of course, I (and everybody who knows us) know that is not what is best for Kara, so the fight continues.

Perhaps, for the first time in four years, I feel some sense of calm. I have moments when I hit panic mode but they are few and far between lately. I think it's for two main reasons. I am not lying. Everything in my court documents is fact and has in no way been fabricated. Kara is beyond happy when she's in my care and still, even after all of this time, she negatively anticipates visits with her father. This is despite constant encouragement and postive 'build up' when leading up to her visits. She resents that she has to go, especially when she is in the care of others when she is in 'her father's' care.

Secondly, his documents are riddled with lies and exaggerations... many of which are easy to prove to be as such. Honestly, if this trial goes his way, I will be totally floored.

So, for my girl, keep your fingers and anything else crossed that can be. I am hoping beyond imagination, that the result is in Kara's interests. That she is able to have a proper relationship with both of her parents in a way that SHE is happy with. That our relationship is recognised for what it is and that she isn't punished by having that removed. I can't even begin to imagine that.

To get away from everything for a while, Miss K and I escaped to Queensland for a week a couple of months ago. It was just what we needed, only it would have been nice to stay longer!!! We finally made it to Australia Zoo (Kara loved it ) and caught up with a friend and her gorgeous kids after much waiting. It was bliss and given the twins are due in a few months, it will be the last time we can do anything like it for a while.... shorter trips will be happening for a while now lol.

I really hope you're all doing well out there in blogger land! I'm so slack with blogging now ~ or reading others' blogs ~ but it's not out of lack of interest. I'm just so drained and don't know whether I'm coming or going atm. Hopefully the end of court will bring the beginning of a new life for me. One where I can wake without the nagging fear of losing my Princess. Oh how I can't wait to have that fear lifted.

Vxxx

New Blog!

...is open now yay......

This blog will still continue, although I have been more than slack with it but the new one will help explain why lol.

Hope you're all well in Blogger Land xxxxx

Slacker

Arggggggghhhhh. I just inserted a heap of pics and lost my text and the autosave didn't do it's job!!!

Basically, lol, I've been slack. Things have been sooooo chaotic around here...when Kara's been home we've been out and about and when she's with her father, I've been working to pass the time. Busy, busy busy.

Kara has grown up SO much the last couple of months. She's such a pleasure to be around... I'm so proud of her. She's doing brilliantly at school and has settled into grade two very well. I can't believe how fast time is going.....

I'm starting another blog today!!! It won't be open for another month or so ~ that depends on a couple of things ~ but I'm looking forward to it. It's different to my other two blogs and hopefully I'll keep it more up to date than this one!

I hope you're all well xxxx

Kara testing out the Tupperware Quick Chef II LOL

Easter Day ~ Miss K on her hunt.

Smart Child LMAO!!!... We went to the Carlton Crows game and kicked their butts

Gorgeous Girl.... the sunset where we were camping... the light was gorgeous.

My Little Diver!

My Card Shark.... Playing cards at Camping

Jumping Pillow!

I wish her eyes were open just that little bit more in this....

Sooooo cute!!

Missing

September 2009

WOW... 5 months. How slack have I been???

I just don't know where to start. I don't even really know what's happened since August ~ my mind has been occupied with the same old battle ...

As I type, Kara is in Canada with her father. She has been gone for two weeks tomorrow and there is still another week to go. How do I put into words how I feel? Tonight's been a bad night so all of the negative emotions are amplified but even on a good day, the feelings are similar ~ just not so intense.

My chest feels like it's going to collapse. The worry that she's not doing ok engulfs me ~ there's been very little communication, so I have no idea where Kara is emotionally. I hope with my all that she's in a different space to what I'm in. I really do hope she's having fun. I'm also looking forward to being able to sleep once she's home!!

In a couple of weeks, we go back to court. I can't even type what the suggested outcome of that is ~ maybe I'll save that for my other blog... just keep my girl in your thoughts (or prayers if you believe).....

Something good that's come out of this mess?? When you're in need, emotionally, it really does bring out who is there for you in your life. I have had soooo many messages from friends who don't live near me but one friend in particular has been **amazing**. She and her husband have let me spend so much time with them and their gorgeous kids and honestly, I don't know what I would have done without them. When you feel like I've been feeling, there is nothing more important than people giving you their time and I will never forget how much they've done for me.... I've been so lucky. Thanks Sue and Andrew (they'll probably never read this LOL).

So what else has happened?? Ummm..... Kara has lost some teeth!!! Even without them, she is still adorably gorgeous :P. She also turned 7 and finished grade 1 :(. She still amazes me every single day with her knowledge and strength and I still look at her wondering how it was me that got to be her Mummy. Again... lucky.

I started a new job... it's doing the same thing as I was before but for a different company. I love it there... not the work so much but the work environment ~ a great bunch of people who have been so understanding with my state of mind since Kara left.

Unfortunately, on New Year's Day, we lost an amazing person. Michael, whom I worked with and learnt from whilst doing my undergrad and post grad studies at uni, passed away. He truly was a remarkable being. He had an amazing mind but his character was strikingly unique. He will be sadly missed by me and so many others.... it's just not fair the way life works sometimes.

I'm sure so much else has happened but I just can't remember what it is! I'll add a *few* pics of my princess... she's changed a lot since August.

Oh.... Em..... you ready to laugh some more??? You may recall about 6 months ago, that a guinea pig I purchased for Kara had a baby a few weeks later.... she was pregnant when we got her and we didn't know.

Well, Milky, the result, stayed on with us because she was a girl..... Kara couldn't part with her, so we decided two guinea pigs are no more difficult that one. Well, that would be true, but Milky actually is a boy... we now know. On Christmas Day, Muncher had three more babies... needless to say Milky and Muncher are no longer anywhere near each other.....

Birthday Girl ~ November 7th, 2009

Kara and Moni

Kara on Christmas Day... she LOVES Pictureka!

Another Christmas Day Pic... too cute.

Super Princess

In three days, you should be celebrating your sixth birthday with your family.

Instead, many of us around the world will be remembering you and just what a Super Princess you were and continue to be.

I can truly say that not a single day passes when you are not in my thoughts Ava.... not one.

Thinking of you. Loving you. Remembering you. Always.

XXXXXX

Masked

I was going to post in my other blog but thought it's still important to keep track of where I'm at on here too.

As most of you know, the court process is kind of happening again... it's in the very early phase and I've had to attend meetings/courses and other CRAP in order to get Kara's case back into the Magistrates Court. Apparently it's how things are done now ~ my theory is that they try to grind you into the ground so you don't have the strength to go back to court ... it's beginning to work.

In a course I attended last week (one of the hardest things I've had to do legally thus far.... very confronting), everybody there had to choose a picture which described where they were at in the current phase of their life. There were quite a few to choose from. Immediately, my eyes were attracted to one with two theatrical masks on it.

I'm fairly open on my blog ~ it's easier to let your feelings flow through typing than with the spoken word ... well it is for me anyway. BUT, in real life, I really do feel I live behind a mask. I feel that I am pretending to be ok (most of the time) when inside, I just want to scream so everybody knows how hard things are. I look around at people who are happy and some days, it makes me angry. How bad is that? How can they be SO happy when our lives are in such turmoil. I hate feeling that, but I do.

I also think that many people prefer the mask to be worn.... they don't actually want to know how you are. They can't handle it when you tell them. It's just easier (for everybody) to pretend to be fine. That's what I'm discovering anyway.

On a brighter note, look at my princess :) This is how she was watching TV the other night ~ she's such a dag sometimes but oh my, how much I love her. Sometimes I think a little too much..... if that's possible.

XXX

Trip to Melbourne...

What a couple of weeks I've had...

On Tuesday morning of last week, Kara and I decided it would be a good day to drive to Melbourne ~ as you do :).....

We called a friend to cover the animals and set off at 1pm... arrived there at 11pm. Kara loves the drive because she watches dvds and eats junk food the whole way ~ her idea of paradise.

Whilst we only had a few days there, it was a jammed packed few days. It was great catching up with my sister, nephews and neice as it had been 5 months since we've last seen them and the girls got along so well this trip ~ it was gorgeous and sad watching them play together... they should be closer to share each other more often :(

My gorgeous neice and gorgeous daughter.....

Whilst in Melbourne, I was able to FINALLY catch up with a long lost friend! We hadn't seen each other for 25 years and thanks to Facebook, we were brought back together. It was simply amazing and I'm SO glad it happened. Belinda ~ thanks so much for meeting up with us ~ I think you know how important it was for me!

Kara, me, Belinda and Rylie.... finally!!

I also saw my gorgeous friend Jane ~ it's always a pleasure Jane!! The poor thing got me on a bad day and copped tears.... sorry lovely XXXX

And to top off the trip, Kara and I stayed at a friend's place the night before we left and Kara got some girly time with her daughter, Emily. The gorgeous Ben was a little left out :( and wouldn't let me take a pic.... thanks Julie for having us!

Emily and Kara ~ cute!

Apart from that, it's back to the grind. Kara's back at school and with Toehair this weekend ~ I have 6 weeks off of work so am doing a lot of nothing at the moment. It's exactly what I want to be doing too.

My Princess at the Pink Lake ~ on the way home.

Love to you all xx

Time Flies....

It's been ages since I've blogged... I can't believe 5 weeks have passed already.

Life has been somewhat crazy.... a little good but mostly challenges.

It's the end of the first week of school holidays here in SA, so that means I've not had my girl for a week. That's always tough. Actually, I hate it......

Fortunately though, for the first week while Kara was with "he who shall remain unnamed", I went away and spent some much needed "fun" time with a gorgeous friend. It was amazing and I'm so glad I did it... there was a lot of laughing, chatting, drinking and just great company. Bliss......I hope I get to do it again (thanks Gorg... xxx).

I've never been away for a week without Kara and whilst it's difficult flying away from her and knowing I'm 3000 kms away, it's also difficult flying back to be greeted with lawyer's letters and the stress that comes with them. Sometimes (a lot of times), I wish I could just run away from it all and lead a happier life someplace else (with Kara of course). It's all just getting a little too much but that's for the 'sad' blog lol.

I don't even have a pic to post! I took my camera away with me but it never ventured out....

I have been reading poems and quotes online a lot lately though and I came across the one below... quite apt given this is a blog and I've made so many friends from it... some I've met ~ others I will soon.

Screen Friends

by Miasartiff

My husband has finally gone to work
My children have finished their play
they've gone to bed their stories read
Now it's my time of day.

I've had one of those days
you know what I mean
so I sit back and relax
nd turn on my screen.

I'll talk to all my friends
who know just what to say
to make my stresses go
and my troubles fade away.

My friends you're always there for me
whenever I feel blue
and though we've never met before
I know our friendships true.

And although we haven't been friends for long
in this short time it seems
we shared so many things already
our hopes, our fears, our dreams.

We come from different walks of life
but we share a common bond
and it's time to say that of all of you
I've grown so very fond.

So thank you friends for being there
whenever I've needed you
I know you're always there for me
and you know I'm there for you.

I know I've said it before (and quite recently) but it really does amaze me when I think about the support online friends have provided. If it wasn't for this little screen, life for me would have been very very different over the past few months.... and not for the better.

xxx

And Now There's Milky.....

You may recall Kara and I adding to our zoo 6 weeks ago... a gorgeous guinea pig named Muncher. Well, when we collected Muncher, I was a little concerned that she could be pregnant, as a male got friendly with her just as we were leaving....

Yesterday morning as I stumbled out of bed to make my obligatory coffee, I checked in on Muncher and saw a new ball of fur... she's had a baby!!! I was so not expecting it ~ I thought that if she was pregnant the baby would arrive in around 3 weeks time, but she was obviously pregnant three weeks before we bought her. She had just one pup (it weights 120 grams and she weighed just over 500 last week..... HUGE!!!) and Kara has named the pup Milky (because it keeps feeding lol).

Kara is hoping with her all that Milky is a girl because there is no way we're keeping it if it's a he. As good as the experience has been for Kara, I'm not keen on repeating it every 2 months.