Getting There.....

I've been feeling really crappy of late ~ all the court stuff is just getting too much and the realisation that I have to deal with Kara's father and miss out on my daughter is so difficult. I hope that one day the hate I have for him will subside but that won't happen until he (if he ever does) starts putting Kara's needs first.....

Having said that, we have had a few really great days with friends and today, with Mum. It's Showtime in Adelaide atm and we have already been twice ~ Kara just has an absolute blast and it's worth watching your money just evaporate LOL. Last week we went with Tanya and Evan and they were sooo cute..... they had a ball together. Today we went with my Mum and the highlight for all involved was smashing the crap out of the dodgem cars :P Mum was warned several times to drive in the right direction as she headed toward me full speed LMAO.

Here are some pics ~ there are heaps but there are soooo many more.

I look at some of these photos and tell myself Kara still is a happy little girl....sometimes I need to focus on that.

Arriving!!! Her little face just lit up...

The "biggest" Thing Kara has ever won ~ according to Kara lol!!

Her First Rollercoaster!!!!!

The Kangaroo Ride ~ This was soooooooo CUTE!

Just Cute!!!!

Some from Today

My Girl Today...

I just love these 2 photos ~ one because I love the outfit and the other because it cracks me up!!

I love Kara in white and I also love dress/pant combos, so this outfit is adorable in my opinion!! We just got home from ballet, hence the lump on her head :P

And this ~ from a swimming pool today LMAO. She is just so proud of herself and it makes me laugh whenever I look at it... Kara was in the middle of jumping in and still managed to smile for the camera!!!!

We went to the show yesterday and last night, so I will bombard my blog tonight :P

They Say Little Girls Often Choose Partners Like Their Father....

I need to find some reports which suggest otherwise because if it's true, Kara is doomed.

It's no secret ~ I hate my daughter's father. He is arrogant, manipulating, a cheat, selfish and those are his positive points.

We had court today and our case is now going to trial. Why??? Well, not because he is worried about spending time with Kara ~ that would be putting her first but he doesn't do that. There are two reasons we are going to trial:

* he wants to take my 4 year old on a racing yacht. This isn't just any boat (which I would hate anyway :P) ~ this is a racing yacht. It has no sides. I have not said he can never take her ~ just not until she can swim independantly. I would have thought that was reasonable ~ I keep having to remind myself he is not.

* he wants to take Kara to Canada for 3 weeks, even though when he wants it to occur, she would have only spent 3 nights in a row with him. Please keep in mind that she still is opposed to 2 sleepovers ~ don't think she would be too keen on 21.

So, because of these two issues, we didn't settle at court today.

This man is the most selfish being I have ever met. Unfortunatly, I lost all control at court today and let it all out. If he had any doubt about how I felt, he wouldn't now :P

Thank You Belle......

...... and Danielle, Noel and Madeleine, for making me more aware of how my girl should be travelling in our car.

For the past 12 months, I have had Kara in a bolted booster seat, with a bolted safety harness. I thought I was doing the right thing by her BUT her seat has no anti-sub (keeps the seatbelt down at the correct level) device and it may not adequately protect her in an accident. I had no idea about this, until speaking with Danielle, an amazing mother who lost one of her little girls, Belle, in a "minor" car accident last year. Thanks to Danielle (and Noel), I now understand more about what is safe for Kara and today, we purchased a Safe and Sound Explorer seat (same as the maxi rider but no arms/drink holder). Please go to read this site ~ http://www.belletoni.org.au/ ~ our kids are worth every bit of $300.

I had to laugh though ~ Kara was all excited UNTIL we got it into the car, at which point she decided to cry. When asked what was wrong, she said "It's a dumb seat ~ I feel like a baby again and I hate it". We now have to travel with a blanket over the straps in case any of her friends see her in a "baby" seat LMAO. She'll come round though and if she doesn't, stiff!!!!!

Yayyyyy

The shed is done!!!!!

After a rollercoaster of a week, the shed was officially completed yesterday!!! Steve had literally 4 rivets to go and sliced his hand open, so the shed had to wait a few extra days.... he had stitches and a tetanus shot and OMG I felt sooo guilty. He finished it yesterday though and I am soooo rapt with it. It's already full of heaps of crap and Kara now has a play room!!! She thought it was happening in a few weeks, so when she arrived home from he whom I dislike immensely, she got the surprise of her life!!!! She wanted it to have an aquatic theme, so she is in looooove with her new Little Mermaid Vanity ~ so adorable.

We've also had such a busy week ~ it's been great but I am sooo tired. I am hanging out for my shopping trip with Ow tomorrow night!!!!! Sooo excited lmao.

Here are some pics from the last few days ~ a bit of a mixture (****note the shed in the background :P )

At Kindy Yesterday for photo day!

The New Playroom!!!

Today at Kindy ~ making cakes in the cubby.

At home today ~ she is soooo cute!!!

What a Week! We Welcome a Cow to Adelaide

LOL

Well, Eden has FINALLY arrived in Adelaide and she IS a cow, so don't take offence to the title LMAO.

Seriously though, it's been fantastic. I have been waiting for a looooooong time to meet Raphaela and have been hanging to see Bruno (who will not stay in front of my camera :( ) and Ted again ~ they are all so adorable.

I am a little worried about Kara though ~ she is in love with Eden and there's not a thing I can do ~ just wait until her sense of taste develops I suppose LOL. Raph loves me (Eden hates that) and I am met my massive cuddles and WOWs whenever she sees me ~ the kid has great taste HAHAHA.

Today Eden rocked up with the girls in their Oilily sets and Kara runs off to find hers ~ OMFG they all looked so cute together.

Ow ~ it's great to have you here. We can chat and chat without needing to rely on MSN/phone now and it's fabbo. We can now be evil together :P

Welcome to SA!!!!!!!

Raph and Kara Meet.......

Kara with her new friend LMAO......

The girls today!!!!......

Miss Ted ~ sooooooo cute!!!....

Just one I love from today!.....

The best one I got of Bruno LOL..... just after they arrived after 4 days in a car!

Happy 4th Birthday Super Princess.....

... and to Sheye, Crayton, Luca, Mason and Ivy ~ you have been in the thoughts of thousands today.

Your gorgeous girl has changed so many lives and added so much perspective.

Happy Birthday Ava ~ you are so very loved and terribly missed.

Slow Down Baby Girl....

... over the past couple of months, Kara has grown so much. Not just in size but in every way. She is such a real little ("big" according to her :P ) girl now ~ not much baby left :(

These were taken at kindy yesterday ~ she loves gardening there and suggested a pic near the broad beans lol. Every second Wednesday, kindy has "Hotdog Day". Kara loves it ~ she won't go near a hotdog (which is fine by me LOL) but she looooves the jelly and icecreams..... She's also going through a pony tail phase and they make her look even more grown up.

Love you loads gorgeous. xxx

Thinking of Ava....

I haven't written much about Ava on this blog but that in no way reflects how much that little Princess has impacted on my (and Kara's) life. Her loss has made many many people realise just what is important and her short three years have left unmeasurable memories. Having only spent 2 days with Ava and her gorgeous Mummy, I almost feel I don't have the right to feel the way I do but she was such a special little girl and spending one hour, one day or one week with her would have made little difference. It only took seconds to see her amazing beauty and there was just something about her.....

Today, on the way to kindy, Kara was upset. It was sudden and she was perfectly happy seconds before. I asked what was wrong and she said she is thinking about Ava ~ that she has been thinking about her for days. She told me she has told everybody she knows about her friend and that she misses her. She really does miss her. She only met her last year for a short time but that's the kind of kid Ava was ~ you fell instantly in love with her. She went on to explain how she knows Ava is in a dreamland now and that the faries are all loving and looking after her. She said she has dream eyes, legs and arms and that she is making her a card to send so that she can catch it in the clouds. She said she just knows Ava is happy and OK.

Kids are amazing. I have never said any of this to Kara ~ it's simply what she believes and I think she must be right.

Ava ~ you are soooo missed and so loved Princess. You have changed so many lives, including mine. Love to your Mummy, Daddy and your brothers and sister. xxxxxx

Six Panels of Metal are about to Change My Life!!!

I hate clutter.

It's a bit of a problem though, actually a huge problem, as I am a massive hoarder. I just hate to throw anything which has the slightest memory attached. As an example, I have the scab from Kara's umbilical cord in a film canaster somewhere LMAO. I also find it really hard to part with clothing, especially Kara's, although I am getting better. This year has made me realise that clothes aren't as important as I make them......

Anyyyyyway, due to my excess crap and my tiny rented house, it's so difficult to keep things ordered here. I also love to sew and am in the process of building that up again, so I need room for my fabric (and there is literally thousands of metres of it....). That is why I have decided to buy a BIG shed!!!!!!!!!!! Well, it's big compared to what it was initially going to be......it started at 1.5 metres square and I ended up getting one which is 3 metres but 2.4 metres. We decided on a cream colourbond (Kara's choice ~ the salesman looked at me strangely as I allowed Kara to choose the colour, style etc...).

It's going to be my new best friend for a while (it arrives on Friday!!!!) and it means Kara can finally get the aquatically themed playroom she has been nagging for :) I am sooooo excited.

After the playroom, I am going to paint all of my bedroom furniture white (it's all mismatched atm), finish Kara's room (FINALLY) and then make Kara's garden.... I need to keep busy while she's at her dad's for the long stays and have decided that each weekend she is there, I will do one task which improves this place.

xxx

Our Three Weeks of BLISS just ended....

.... and it went soooooo fast. Kara just left with her father after 3 weeks of him being away and unfortunately, he made it back (I was going to add a smilie here but I am more serious than joking LOL).

We have had a really good couple of days. Kara decided she wanted to go to the footy yesterday and although Carlton lost, it was a fab day. She got into it and sits there screaming "Carlton, Carlton, Carlton" with 3 claps inbetween. If her hands were busy holding food, she would just say clap, clap, clap LMAO. Here she is ~ she is so adorable.



This morning, as always, she woke up and got into dress ups within minutes. She then found these clip on earrings and adores them.... she's been walking around all morning with her head sooooo straight in case they fall off, with the occassional shake to hear them.



We have court tomorrow (although I found out I don't have to attend YAAAAAY), so Kara will be a massive focus this week (more than usual). I just have to focus on doing fun things with her and accept that what will be will be but it takes my all to do that.

Bring on the next sailing trip ~ perhaps it will be even longer next time :P

What Makes You Happy?

I mean truly happy?

For me, it's clear ~ it's having my girl. Kara is just such a special little person and only a handful of people really know her. She doesn't open up easily but when she does, she is amazing. I was in bed last night thinking about this ~ thinking about what really matters in my life. I was thinking about what we've been through and why it's been so so difficult. It's because it's so hard to see your child suffer; you only want to see smiles and hear giggles. You want to protect them from hurt and when you can't, it's awful.

Then tonight, something else made me happy PMSL. How can a piece of clothing make my heart skip a beat? Why does it give me that buzz lmfao. I just love shopping for Kara and winning this dress on Ebay made me feel happier than it should have :P

Some More Pics!!!

I love these, although I need to work out Photoshop ~ one of my aims for the next 6 months LOL.

These were taken on the way to Melbourne at the Pink Lake ~ Kara's fav place to stop when we drive there. They are a little dark and I need to play with them but they will end up worse pmsl.
The sequin shoes were new and I just realised they are still wrapped in a plastic bag in that mud doh. Hopefully they soak out well :P

We're Home....

Well, after 10 days of being in Melbourne and the snow, we arrived home today and surprisingly, it's nice to be here. About an hour out of Adelaide today, I got all teary as I felt like we were driving back to "he who I call wanker" but knowing he's still floating on water somewhere makes me feel ok about being back. Having said that, sinking in water would make me feel even better..... :P

Sooo, the snow was excellent!!! My camera didn't think so though :( After about 30 mins, it shat itself, so we had to buy a disposable camera which took crappy pics ~ better than nothing though!!! It meant I couldn't get pics of the Kara with her cousins for much of the trip and I hated that..... I love love love my camera :(

I'll think of more exciting things to write about pmsl but I just wanted to get a couple of pics up.

Kara and I have 7 more days together before another court hearing, so keep your fingers crossed for her (and me LOL). I'm shitting myself but trying not to show it....

Kara and Sage about 5 mins after we arrived ~ straight into dressing up!!!

My Snow Princess!!!

The reason it HAS to work out....

I was uploading some pics (not very great ones lol) but just looking at them lifted my spirit. Look at her!! She's adorable and she's the reason why I have to believe things will work out. If they don't, there's always China :P

Kara loves her 'computer' ~ she just scored 100 points, hence the arms in the air! Although it may be obvious, she is in dress ups :P


I just LOVE watching her draw ~ the detail of some of Kara's pictures is so good for her age and I'm a proud Mama!

I Feel Like Crap

Physically and mentally.

I have some shocking chest infection/flu, so I feel so sick atm and I'm guessing that may be why I am down emotionally too. I'm having one of those days where everything just feels too much ~ like one more day of not knowing what will be happening with Kara will tip me over so to speak.

Kara's been asking a lot of questions of late and some of them are just too difficult to answer. Things like "why do I need a daddy anyway", "I hate sleeping over Mummy ~ what if he makes me go there 3 nights" and the hardest to date, by far, "Mummy, I really don't want to have two homes. If daddy really does love me, why would he do this to me?"

I am getting sick of having to answer these questions and feel he should have to. He should be explaining to her what I just can't anymore. She SHOULDN'T have to have 2 homes, she shouldn't have such instability in her life. He shouldn't be able to cause it.

So many people say it's best for her to have a father in her life but how can I even begin to believe that when he plays the games he does. Perhaps when I see him put my child's interests first, I will begin to understand the importance of him in her life. Until then, I simply despise the man.

Fortunately, he is off sailing for 3 weeks. 3 weeks. If only it was 3 years.

Don't Read if You're Over my Family Court Bagging :P

OK ~ I have no idea what, if anything, I can do but I have to try.

My daughter came up to me yesterday, out of nowhere after a 'normal' day and said.....

"Mummy, I love you. I really don't want to have 2 houses Mummy".

How do you answer that? She really DOESN'T want 2 houses. Why should she HAVE to have two houses. I think the law should make her father live in two houses like they are making her and that thought was prompted after somebody whom I don't know sent me this message.

Hi Vanessa,

It is so hurtful I know. How many adults do you know would want to live between two houses - none, yet we expect children to do it. Would her father want to live between two houses - no, I suspect not.

Remember this though - this is not about you or your beautiful little girl, this is about him...he wants to punish you, he wants to make up to Kara for not being around, he wants to have a good time with his child (now that she is old enough to be 'fun'), and probably wants to show off 'his possession' to his new girlfriend who will no doubt be caring for your daughter.

Any man who does this in my mind, does not have the child's best interests at heart and that is where the courts should start looking - motivation. You and I have found out the hard way that we (and our children) have no rights in the legal system.

Once this is all over, the best thing you can do is understand that the orders have to be complied with (l will never accept, but I have to go along with them). Also understand, that you are not responsible for the upset she is potentially going to incur - he is, but you will be there for her.

Thinking of you and hope I can help.

The law is so wrong. I have been through so many emotions in the past few weeks but at the moment, I just want to SCREAM at the stupid judges, politicians, fathers and most of all, Kara's father.

My daughter knows what she does and doesn't want. She is more than capable of expressing her views. She should have rights. She has no rights. That needs to change.

I will be reporting back with what's happening with this stuff on here ~ it's a really good way for me to release without it affecting Kara. Off to search for Voodoo dolls on Ebay :P

Charlotte

OMFG

Charlotte had the most gorgeous fur this morning ~ kind of!!! She still had all of her puppy fur and it was sooooo fluffy but it just kept matting. So today, she took her first trip to the doggy parlour and Kara and I haven't stopped laughing since LOL.

We went to pick her up and Kara looked at me and said "Mummy, is that Charlotte? That's not Charlotte is it?" She looks so funny and when we got home, the cat went crazy ~ she didn't recognise her LMFAO.

My Sister the Pet Owner

NOOOOOOT

All that know my sister, know that she loves her pets... for about 5 days. Then, when they piss everywhere, bark, scratch her couch or whatever, she hates them.

Well, recently, she bought a puppy. A divine Maltese which she doted on..... until tonight. I just told her how you have to squeeze the anal glands of these dogs and I was met by vomitting MSN emoticons and "OMFG ~ she is going into the Trading Post".

I cannot stop laughing. Just picturing her daily makeup routine being interupted with squeezing Molly's butt HAHAHAHA

His Little Game.....

Hate is a strong word but one which I cannot help using at the moment.

You may remember me posting that things were finally settling down with Kara's father. Well, last week, things were excellent!!! We had some proposed orders written up, they were presented at court and all that needed to happen, was they be typed up in the correct way and we sign them. We were all set and 16 months of absolute stress were over. I couldn't believe it.

Well, I shouldn't have believed it. On Monday, Kara's lovely father decided to send an email saying he doesn't agree (now) with heaps of the orders (he agreed to in court) and he wants a heap of deletions and additions. So, here we go again. Back to court in a few weeks to supposedly submit papers, but now, we will have to say it's still not agreed upon. He is going to look like a tosser, which is more than apt actually.

I wish he would sail away on his little boat and stop causing so much hurt to us. He really has no idea.

Ahhhh ~ that feels better.

My Poser

It's rare these days for Kara's face to be uncovered when she sees the camera but today she loved her new outfit, ran to get her stool and started posing. The quality of the photos turned out crappy but you get the message LOL.

Kara's 100% better after out little ordeal the other night ~ she's been soaking up the special treatment :)

MWAH Babe xxx

A Horrid Experience :(

Last night, my baby wasn't well. She had a fever all day but in the late afternoon, we couldn't get it down. At 11pm, she started complaining of a sore neck and limbs and she was so so hot. Of course, I panicked and took her to the Children's Hospital, just in case.

On the way, Kara vomitted EVERYWHERE in the car. We arrived at the hospital and they were so good there ~ we were seen almost immediately. After an hour or two (time kind of gets muddled for me when Kara's sick lol), her temperature started to drop, but the doctors wanted to take blood to work out what was happening. Well, that was an experience in itself. Kara was genuinely terrified and it was just awful to see that. It took them about 15 mins in the end and I hated every single second of it.

Then, after a couple of hours, this happened. It was so awful. I am trying to focus on the fact that she is "OK" now, but at the time, the worst thoughts were going through my mind. Kara was looking at me. I was speaking with her and there was no reaction from her ~ nothing at all. After about 10 seconds, my speaking turned to screaming, but still no response. She had a glazed look and I was absolutely terrified. Her temperature was normal at this point, so I didn't think it could be anything to do with that ~ I really had no idea. I called over a doctor and it continued for a couple of minutes. She just wouldn't react to anybody. Then, I *think* I screamed and shook her and it made her scream. It was all just horrible.

At this point, the doctors suggested a Lumbar Puncture and I didn't want to even know the reasons why they wanted that, because I already knew. I said 'NO' and insisted we wait on the blood results before they put her through that and they agreed. They said she would stay the night and if there was no change in the morning, we would have to consider the Lumbar Puncture then.

Thank goodness, when morning came, my girl was a lot better. She's still hot and not herself but she's responding as she should be and she is eating and drinking. They sent her home with strict instrutions to rest.

I know Kara is OK but all day, I would look at her and just cry. It was just such an awful experience. Our kids are just too fragile.

I love you soooooooooooooooooooooooo much Princess and am so sorry you had to experience last night.

OMG She is Closing her Eyes!!!!!!!!!

Sould I be worried lmfao.

Tonight, when saying goodbye, Evan and Kara embraced, Kara ruffled Evan's hair and then he grabbed her and this happened.

OMG. Tanya and I lost it (I was almost crying pmsl) ~ it was hilarious and I am so glad I caught the embrace....

Kara in Her Element!

Well, they let us in lmao.

We went to see the Cinderella Ballet today and Kara had the BEST time!!!! It started with 2 hours of craft (designing and making a plastic dress, a wand and a crown) and ended with Kara meeting the dancers. She just loved it.

The ticketing ended up working out really well. We got in with Kara allowed to sit on my lap and the theatre was packed, apart from the 2 seats next to us ~ I couldn't believe our luck.

Our next big day out will be next week to see "Varekai" by Cirque du Soleil ~ we've been watching bits on YouTube and neither of us can wait now!