Spring Pics and Our New Pet.....

I was thinking this morning about a few things I have always wanted to do but never done.... one was doing medicine (unlikely now LMAO) and the other was learning photography. Ever since I can remember, my family would make fun that I always had a camera with me. When I had Kara, I became even more obsessed lmao but although I have a lot of photos, I don't have a lot of 'good' photos. I sooooo want to learn how to shift that balance.

Here are some pics of our garden LOL. Within the past 2-3 days, everything has started to bud or bloom ~ I looooove Spring. I've also got a couple of pic of our new pet!!!!!!! He's a Macleay's Spectre Stick Insect and I just got home with him. Kara hasn't seen her yet (it's a she assuming my gender recognition is correct :P) ~ I'm not sure if she'll run and hide or love it!!!!

My Arsey Shop LMAO

A couple of years ago, I finally found Kara the bed I had been looking for ~ it took me 12 months and when I saw it, I had to have it. Then, I also found a little 'open' (no doors) wardrobe unit at Freedom which matched perfectly ~ I couldn't afford both, so I purchased the bed and waited for the unit.

Yesterday I decided to go back to Freedom to see if they still had them. Due to space issues, all of Kara's clothes are in wardrobes in my room and Kara has been saying she would like them in hers, so she can get up in the morning and choose her clothes LOL. Anyyyyyyyway, I went to Freedom and they no longer have the unit :( I looked at alternatives and the only thing close (kind of) to what I would like, was $600 and not all that nice. I got all the quotes etc and decided to wait until I had looked around a little more......

Then, in the afternoon, I went to my Mum's to try to distract my mind from the lack of Kara LOL. Mum was finishing her housework off and she suggested I go to the Salvos (I loooooooove Salvation Army shopping!!!!!) until she was done. I didn't want to go but then thought I should, cos I might miss a bargain PMSL :P

I drove down and when I got there, something told me to go straight to the furniture. I NEVER do that ~ I always go to kids clothing in case there's a Fred Bare item lmao....... I went to furniture, turn around and there it is. The open unit I wanted from Freedom. I could not believe my EYEEEEEES!!!!!! I stood there until an assistant came near me LMFAO and asked how much it was ~ $30 OMFG. I got an allen key and started taking it apart to take home hahahaha. When I turned it onto its side, I saw a sticker underneath saying "Imported for FREEDOM furniture". It's the exact one I saw 2 years ago.

Gosh I can ramble lmao. I'm still on a little retail high though and thought I'd share something a little more positive after yesterday's not so cheerful post :P

xxxxx

Crappy Day

I'm lying in bed missing my girl this weekend. I just hate waking up and not having her here, particularly when I know she didn't want to go last night. She had a birthday party and her father wanted to take her as it was at the time he picks her up (which is fair enough.....) but Kara didn't want that. I suggested I could go along later and dress up with a moustache and long coat so nobody else would know and she PHSL at that idea LOL.

It's more than the party that's making me feel shit though ~ it's just knowing that despite what Kara wants and needs, I am unable to give that to her because of the new legislation. If she is ill and wants to just stay home in bed, I would be breaking the law if I allowed that (and yes, his opinion is it's all part of it ~ she needs to get used to that). Despite her wanting to be here on Christmas morning, she is forced to sleep there this Christmas Eve. Despite her still dreading every second fortnight, she has to stay for 3 nights next fortnight because it's a public holiday. She is having accidents again (although she has been toilet trained for 3 years). She screams out "I want Mummy" in the middle of dream and wakes up distraught. She tells me that she doesn't understand why her Daddy is making her feel so bad if he really does love her. She tells me she needs to "grow up really fast" so that he will start listening to her. She tells me she hates what he is doing to her life (and they are her exact words).

If the legislation is all about the child, why then does it state "prior living arrangements are irrelevant"? How can prior living arrangements be irrelevant? How can a child who has been raised soley by one parent be expected to then spend excessive time with another, just because it suits their new living or partner arrangements? Oh and if one more person suggests that "children are strong and they manage" I will shoot them :P Children shouldn't have to "manage". Children should be happy and not have such heavy burdens to deal with.

The past 18 months have shown me that the new legislation does not respect the primary care giver of children (usually the mother) at all. The new legislation has given the non-residential parent a bribery chip ~ "if you don't give me X, I'll go for 50-50". The new legislation needs to change because it is causing so much grief to so many families. It needs to be rephrased and it needs to take different situations into account.

I became a mother because I desperately wanted to keep the baby that Kara's father didn't want. I was threatened by him when I was pregnant, that he would not want the baby but that when it was older, he would take it from me. He told me last year, that if I didn't give him weekends, he would take me to court when the new legislation was in and take Kara for 50% of the time. He told me that he didn't want her for weekdays but that he would do it anyway. He has been given the power to dictate when and for how long he will see Kara because he knows I am desperately scared of my child having to move between 2 houses for the rest of her childhood. Then, my daughter is interviewed but because she is so very clever and vocal for her age, her opinions are not seen as her own as they are too "advanced" ~ this is despite me being equally shocked with what came from her mouth.

Maybe Kara is right. The only time she will be listened to is when she is older. It's such a shame that we are going to have children wishing they could grow up just to be heard.

Soooo Funny....

I am on MSN chatting and came across these (again) ~ I saw them ages ago and for whatever reason, they just crack me up.

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule2

Getting There.....

I've been feeling really crappy of late ~ all the court stuff is just getting too much and the realisation that I have to deal with Kara's father and miss out on my daughter is so difficult. I hope that one day the hate I have for him will subside but that won't happen until he (if he ever does) starts putting Kara's needs first.....

Having said that, we have had a few really great days with friends and today, with Mum. It's Showtime in Adelaide atm and we have already been twice ~ Kara just has an absolute blast and it's worth watching your money just evaporate LOL. Last week we went with Tanya and Evan and they were sooo cute..... they had a ball together. Today we went with my Mum and the highlight for all involved was smashing the crap out of the dodgem cars :P Mum was warned several times to drive in the right direction as she headed toward me full speed LMAO.

Here are some pics ~ there are heaps but there are soooo many more.

I look at some of these photos and tell myself Kara still is a happy little girl....sometimes I need to focus on that.

Arriving!!! Her little face just lit up...

The "biggest" Thing Kara has ever won ~ according to Kara lol!!

Her First Rollercoaster!!!!!

The Kangaroo Ride ~ This was soooooooo CUTE!

Just Cute!!!!

Some from Today

My Girl Today...

I just love these 2 photos ~ one because I love the outfit and the other because it cracks me up!!

I love Kara in white and I also love dress/pant combos, so this outfit is adorable in my opinion!! We just got home from ballet, hence the lump on her head :P

And this ~ from a swimming pool today LMAO. She is just so proud of herself and it makes me laugh whenever I look at it... Kara was in the middle of jumping in and still managed to smile for the camera!!!!

We went to the show yesterday and last night, so I will bombard my blog tonight :P

They Say Little Girls Often Choose Partners Like Their Father....

I need to find some reports which suggest otherwise because if it's true, Kara is doomed.

It's no secret ~ I hate my daughter's father. He is arrogant, manipulating, a cheat, selfish and those are his positive points.

We had court today and our case is now going to trial. Why??? Well, not because he is worried about spending time with Kara ~ that would be putting her first but he doesn't do that. There are two reasons we are going to trial:

* he wants to take my 4 year old on a racing yacht. This isn't just any boat (which I would hate anyway :P) ~ this is a racing yacht. It has no sides. I have not said he can never take her ~ just not until she can swim independantly. I would have thought that was reasonable ~ I keep having to remind myself he is not.

* he wants to take Kara to Canada for 3 weeks, even though when he wants it to occur, she would have only spent 3 nights in a row with him. Please keep in mind that she still is opposed to 2 sleepovers ~ don't think she would be too keen on 21.

So, because of these two issues, we didn't settle at court today.

This man is the most selfish being I have ever met. Unfortunatly, I lost all control at court today and let it all out. If he had any doubt about how I felt, he wouldn't now :P

Thank You Belle......

...... and Danielle, Noel and Madeleine, for making me more aware of how my girl should be travelling in our car.

For the past 12 months, I have had Kara in a bolted booster seat, with a bolted safety harness. I thought I was doing the right thing by her BUT her seat has no anti-sub (keeps the seatbelt down at the correct level) device and it may not adequately protect her in an accident. I had no idea about this, until speaking with Danielle, an amazing mother who lost one of her little girls, Belle, in a "minor" car accident last year. Thanks to Danielle (and Noel), I now understand more about what is safe for Kara and today, we purchased a Safe and Sound Explorer seat (same as the maxi rider but no arms/drink holder). Please go to read this site ~ http://www.belletoni.org.au/ ~ our kids are worth every bit of $300.

I had to laugh though ~ Kara was all excited UNTIL we got it into the car, at which point she decided to cry. When asked what was wrong, she said "It's a dumb seat ~ I feel like a baby again and I hate it". We now have to travel with a blanket over the straps in case any of her friends see her in a "baby" seat LMAO. She'll come round though and if she doesn't, stiff!!!!!

Yayyyyy

The shed is done!!!!!

After a rollercoaster of a week, the shed was officially completed yesterday!!! Steve had literally 4 rivets to go and sliced his hand open, so the shed had to wait a few extra days.... he had stitches and a tetanus shot and OMG I felt sooo guilty. He finished it yesterday though and I am soooo rapt with it. It's already full of heaps of crap and Kara now has a play room!!! She thought it was happening in a few weeks, so when she arrived home from he whom I dislike immensely, she got the surprise of her life!!!! She wanted it to have an aquatic theme, so she is in looooove with her new Little Mermaid Vanity ~ so adorable.

We've also had such a busy week ~ it's been great but I am sooo tired. I am hanging out for my shopping trip with Ow tomorrow night!!!!! Sooo excited lmao.

Here are some pics from the last few days ~ a bit of a mixture (****note the shed in the background :P )

At Kindy Yesterday for photo day!

The New Playroom!!!

Today at Kindy ~ making cakes in the cubby.

At home today ~ she is soooo cute!!!

What a Week! We Welcome a Cow to Adelaide

LOL

Well, Eden has FINALLY arrived in Adelaide and she IS a cow, so don't take offence to the title LMAO.

Seriously though, it's been fantastic. I have been waiting for a looooooong time to meet Raphaela and have been hanging to see Bruno (who will not stay in front of my camera :( ) and Ted again ~ they are all so adorable.

I am a little worried about Kara though ~ she is in love with Eden and there's not a thing I can do ~ just wait until her sense of taste develops I suppose LOL. Raph loves me (Eden hates that) and I am met my massive cuddles and WOWs whenever she sees me ~ the kid has great taste HAHAHA.

Today Eden rocked up with the girls in their Oilily sets and Kara runs off to find hers ~ OMFG they all looked so cute together.

Ow ~ it's great to have you here. We can chat and chat without needing to rely on MSN/phone now and it's fabbo. We can now be evil together :P

Welcome to SA!!!!!!!

Raph and Kara Meet.......

Kara with her new friend LMAO......

The girls today!!!!......

Miss Ted ~ sooooooo cute!!!....

Just one I love from today!.....

The best one I got of Bruno LOL..... just after they arrived after 4 days in a car!

Happy 4th Birthday Super Princess.....

... and to Sheye, Crayton, Luca, Mason and Ivy ~ you have been in the thoughts of thousands today.

Your gorgeous girl has changed so many lives and added so much perspective.

Happy Birthday Ava ~ you are so very loved and terribly missed.

Slow Down Baby Girl....

... over the past couple of months, Kara has grown so much. Not just in size but in every way. She is such a real little ("big" according to her :P ) girl now ~ not much baby left :(

These were taken at kindy yesterday ~ she loves gardening there and suggested a pic near the broad beans lol. Every second Wednesday, kindy has "Hotdog Day". Kara loves it ~ she won't go near a hotdog (which is fine by me LOL) but she looooves the jelly and icecreams..... She's also going through a pony tail phase and they make her look even more grown up.

Love you loads gorgeous. xxx

Thinking of Ava....

I haven't written much about Ava on this blog but that in no way reflects how much that little Princess has impacted on my (and Kara's) life. Her loss has made many many people realise just what is important and her short three years have left unmeasurable memories. Having only spent 2 days with Ava and her gorgeous Mummy, I almost feel I don't have the right to feel the way I do but she was such a special little girl and spending one hour, one day or one week with her would have made little difference. It only took seconds to see her amazing beauty and there was just something about her.....

Today, on the way to kindy, Kara was upset. It was sudden and she was perfectly happy seconds before. I asked what was wrong and she said she is thinking about Ava ~ that she has been thinking about her for days. She told me she has told everybody she knows about her friend and that she misses her. She really does miss her. She only met her last year for a short time but that's the kind of kid Ava was ~ you fell instantly in love with her. She went on to explain how she knows Ava is in a dreamland now and that the faries are all loving and looking after her. She said she has dream eyes, legs and arms and that she is making her a card to send so that she can catch it in the clouds. She said she just knows Ava is happy and OK.

Kids are amazing. I have never said any of this to Kara ~ it's simply what she believes and I think she must be right.

Ava ~ you are soooo missed and so loved Princess. You have changed so many lives, including mine. Love to your Mummy, Daddy and your brothers and sister. xxxxxx

Six Panels of Metal are about to Change My Life!!!

I hate clutter.

It's a bit of a problem though, actually a huge problem, as I am a massive hoarder. I just hate to throw anything which has the slightest memory attached. As an example, I have the scab from Kara's umbilical cord in a film canaster somewhere LMAO. I also find it really hard to part with clothing, especially Kara's, although I am getting better. This year has made me realise that clothes aren't as important as I make them......

Anyyyyyway, due to my excess crap and my tiny rented house, it's so difficult to keep things ordered here. I also love to sew and am in the process of building that up again, so I need room for my fabric (and there is literally thousands of metres of it....). That is why I have decided to buy a BIG shed!!!!!!!!!!! Well, it's big compared to what it was initially going to be......it started at 1.5 metres square and I ended up getting one which is 3 metres but 2.4 metres. We decided on a cream colourbond (Kara's choice ~ the salesman looked at me strangely as I allowed Kara to choose the colour, style etc...).

It's going to be my new best friend for a while (it arrives on Friday!!!!) and it means Kara can finally get the aquatically themed playroom she has been nagging for :) I am sooooo excited.

After the playroom, I am going to paint all of my bedroom furniture white (it's all mismatched atm), finish Kara's room (FINALLY) and then make Kara's garden.... I need to keep busy while she's at her dad's for the long stays and have decided that each weekend she is there, I will do one task which improves this place.

xxx

Our Three Weeks of BLISS just ended....

.... and it went soooooo fast. Kara just left with her father after 3 weeks of him being away and unfortunately, he made it back (I was going to add a smilie here but I am more serious than joking LOL).

We have had a really good couple of days. Kara decided she wanted to go to the footy yesterday and although Carlton lost, it was a fab day. She got into it and sits there screaming "Carlton, Carlton, Carlton" with 3 claps inbetween. If her hands were busy holding food, she would just say clap, clap, clap LMAO. Here she is ~ she is so adorable.



This morning, as always, she woke up and got into dress ups within minutes. She then found these clip on earrings and adores them.... she's been walking around all morning with her head sooooo straight in case they fall off, with the occassional shake to hear them.



We have court tomorrow (although I found out I don't have to attend YAAAAAY), so Kara will be a massive focus this week (more than usual). I just have to focus on doing fun things with her and accept that what will be will be but it takes my all to do that.

Bring on the next sailing trip ~ perhaps it will be even longer next time :P

What Makes You Happy?

I mean truly happy?

For me, it's clear ~ it's having my girl. Kara is just such a special little person and only a handful of people really know her. She doesn't open up easily but when she does, she is amazing. I was in bed last night thinking about this ~ thinking about what really matters in my life. I was thinking about what we've been through and why it's been so so difficult. It's because it's so hard to see your child suffer; you only want to see smiles and hear giggles. You want to protect them from hurt and when you can't, it's awful.

Then tonight, something else made me happy PMSL. How can a piece of clothing make my heart skip a beat? Why does it give me that buzz lmfao. I just love shopping for Kara and winning this dress on Ebay made me feel happier than it should have :P

Some More Pics!!!

I love these, although I need to work out Photoshop ~ one of my aims for the next 6 months LOL.

These were taken on the way to Melbourne at the Pink Lake ~ Kara's fav place to stop when we drive there. They are a little dark and I need to play with them but they will end up worse pmsl.
The sequin shoes were new and I just realised they are still wrapped in a plastic bag in that mud doh. Hopefully they soak out well :P

We're Home....

Well, after 10 days of being in Melbourne and the snow, we arrived home today and surprisingly, it's nice to be here. About an hour out of Adelaide today, I got all teary as I felt like we were driving back to "he who I call wanker" but knowing he's still floating on water somewhere makes me feel ok about being back. Having said that, sinking in water would make me feel even better..... :P

Sooo, the snow was excellent!!! My camera didn't think so though :( After about 30 mins, it shat itself, so we had to buy a disposable camera which took crappy pics ~ better than nothing though!!! It meant I couldn't get pics of the Kara with her cousins for much of the trip and I hated that..... I love love love my camera :(

I'll think of more exciting things to write about pmsl but I just wanted to get a couple of pics up.

Kara and I have 7 more days together before another court hearing, so keep your fingers crossed for her (and me LOL). I'm shitting myself but trying not to show it....

Kara and Sage about 5 mins after we arrived ~ straight into dressing up!!!

My Snow Princess!!!