So Cute.....

I just wanted to post this because it's one of my fav outfits on Miss K and she looks so sweet in the photo.

Happy Easter to all! xxxx

Our Weekend....

.... has so far been the best in a looooong time.



I've done nothing but think lately. Nothing but worry about what might be. In part, it's been difficult because Kara hasn't had a weekend home for 4 weeks and it's SUCKED. So this weekend I promised myself to just BE with her. To make sure every weekend we get together is positive and fun ~ for both of us. I need my baby to have a happy Mummy and I need her to know I'm always here for her. There have been times of late when I've felt I just can't do either of those things but today, for whatever reason, I feel that I have no choice but to.


We've had such a good start to the Easter break..... it began with us screaming like mad (for three quarters) at Carlton last night ~ Kara dressed in her footy gear and got into it.... it really is just SOOO cute!



This morning, we went for a really long walk around our new neighbourhood :) We haven't done that since moving in due to the Adelaide heat wave and we had a mission to find a nice park. We found an "ok" one and picked overhanging flowers on the way home.....

After that, we baked these shortbread jam cookies.... omg they are DIVINE!!!!

We then had some friends over for the day (the kids had an absolute BALL together) which was just lovely, as we hadn't seen them for some time.



To end the day, Kara wanted to go to the beach to watch the sunset...... we didn't quite make it as the Princess wanted to dress herself (as can be seen below :P) and couldn't find appropriate shoes ~ I really do need to buy her winter shoes!!! We went anyway and walked along the jetty peeking into everybody's fishing buckets ~ Kara just LOVES doing that.




So, things are getting better. I suppose I'm just trying to focus on having my girl for the majority of the time for the next 2 years. If I concentrate on what happens after that, I crumble. I hope everybody's correct in saying anything can happen in two years..... one friend is convinced Kara's father will have triplets with his new partner and they'll all have colic..... I'd much rather he just disappeared.

My Little Green Machine.

It seems like it's been months since I posted and I reckon I've aged about 20 years lol. It's been a difficult couple of weeks ~ realising what the court outcome actually means and what I 'might' lose in 2 years time....I'm already saving for the next trial :P

Kara had her first Sports Day yesterday and oh my, she gets sooooo into events like that. We bought her green tee and put her house team across the front and complete with green zinc, green plaits and green nail polish, she felt pretty special LOL.

Her team came second for the overall sports events and first for cooperation and sportspersonship (I personally think that's the better thing to win :P).

A Post I've Dreaded

Well, I'll keep this short because I'm somewhat shattered atm.

I was given two choices today.

The first. To proceed to trial. Basically, this would have involved the judge (according to my lawyer) awarding 50-50 custody due to the new legislation. This is despite his late application ~ apparently it's just what is done now.

The second. Negotiate.

I chose the latter but now, I feel like the worst mother in the world. I feel like I've agreed to things I just don't agree to, to avoid a worse situation.

Basically, Kara will have week about visits from when she is 7. That's according to the orders.

I just had no choice. If I went to trial and he got 50-50 this year, there would have been nothing I could do. This way, I have almost 3 years before it happens and it gives me a lot of time to appeal if Kara is not ready at that stage.

Thanks to all of you who have left comments, emailed and phoned. Honestly, even coming home today to some new messages lifted me.

I think I'm in denial guys. How will Kara and I not spend one week at a time together? I'm just not dealing with this at all.

Just Gorgeous

Isn't she just lovely?

As I sit here typing (and bawling....), I am imagining the "what ifs" of tomorrow's outcome. I know I shouldn't but it's too hard not to. I try to tell myself that the worst that can happen is 50-50 but that just shakes me to my core. Every part of my mind and soul knows that's not what is best for Kara. It's simply not.

Baby girl, nomatter what happens tomorrow, I love you to the moon and back (more times than can be counted) and I hope I've done enough to ensure you get to keep your stability.

I love you so much sweet girl. You amaze me every second we're together and I'm so so proud of what and who you are. Kisses and hugs to the most gorgeous princess in my world. xxxxooooo

Just When I Thought it was Almost Over....

...... Mr Control Freak hits again.

OK, I'm not too sure what to even say anymore. I'm shocked but I'm not. I'm angry more than anything I think.

We go to trial on Monday ~ well we are supposed to. So, after 2 years, the shit "should" end.

Rewind to last week.....

I was told that Kara's father applied to amend his application to shared care and wanted the trial moved forward. The magistrate CLEARLY refused. He said NO ~ it's too late and you've had 2 years to do this. We will run with the application you have before the court (which is asking for fortnightly weekends). I was rapt.

Fast forward to yesterday......

My lawyer calls. She informs me that he has amended his application anyway (to shared care). She says she is shocked and unsure what will happen. The trial may be moved and the new application heard. The new application could also be tossed out and we run with what we have had in front of us for the last two years. She's unsure which way it will go but is hoping for the latter.

Whatever you believe in, whether it be positive thoughts, prayer, whatever ~ please send them our way. Truly, I'm at the end of my tether with this court shit. I (and Kara) need it to be over so we can just enjoy our time together. I honestly do not know how I could continue on with it for another length of time.

Oh and as a side note..... this ever committed father (as he sees himself) forgot to pick up my baby girl from school yesterday :@ :@ My 5 year old girl was stranded..... his reason? He forgot.

I am so over all of this.

Getting There....

YAYYYYY

After 9 hours of packing and unpacking (two loads) from the moving truck, we finally finished at 6pm on wednesday night. Initially, it was quite enjoyable. There were 6 guys taking directions from me, whilst I sat on msn chatting LMFAO. But then, my phone line was disconnected, so I had nothing to do but help :P

There is crap EVERYWHERE. Basically, I have taken what we absolutely need out and the other 2o38083045 boxes are sitting in the garage.... I'll be unpacking a couple a day. The entire shed contents is outside (in the rain) and I don't even want to think about what's damaged now.....

All in all though, the house is starting to take shape. Still heaps to do but we'll get there :)

xxx

Off We Go......

Well, it's almost 2am here and I still have one room to pack.... with only 2 boxes left. I swear I will never hoard again. The amount of crap I have come across ~ that I don't even remember buying ~ is just ridiculous. My back hurts. I've had 8 hours sleep in 4 days and tomorrow is going to be full on.

When I found out we were moving, I was soooooo happy (I still am!!!). As I pack however, there's a tiny part of me that is finding it difficult. This place is where my baby girl grew up. Where she first walked, talked, played and had friends over (almost daily). Although it's cramped and an absolute mess due to ZERO storage, it's still been our home and it will be difficult to close the doors behind us.....

BUT the new place is just soooo us! It has storage, is open and NEW. I'm hoping like nothing else that it's the sign of things to come for us ~ very exciting.

My next post will be from within our new walls and I'm sure to bombard you with pics that will bore you to tears :P

xxxx

2 Hours To Go :)

Well, thanks to some fabulous (online and real life) friends, I made it through the 3 day weekend without my girl...... I only had one meltdown :)

On Friday afternoon, after our usual 'preparatory talk' Kara came up to me with a necklace she has that has a light on it.... she said this.......

"Mummy, when you miss me, just press this light, let it shine and know that i am missing and thinking of you even more"

It blew me away. She always does. She was wrong though ~ there's no way she missed me more :P

In 2 hours, she's going to get the biggest squeeze of her life.

Hannah's Message

Since the loss of Ava, I've been much more aware of just how many people lose their gorgeous children. I think it's so very important to learn from these angels and to share their legacies.

I'm so sorry to Hannah's parents and family.... that offers little comfort, I know.

http://www.hannahsfoundation.org/Media_Files/Kelly%20HIggins-Devine%20ABC%20Brisbane%2011-02-08_0001.wma

New Beginnings.

For two years, life has been hard. I know it's been much worse for others around me (some people seem to think I don't have the right to stress....) but it has been very difficult. I feel that is all about to change. I can't explain it, I just feel it.

Next week, my girl and I will have a brand new home. It's something I didn't think she would have with me for at least another 10 years LOL but it's happening now and I am so so very happy and excited about it. The floors are being done today, the oven getting put in and window dressings added. Tomorrow, it will be ready for us to start moving things in..... I cannot wait!!!!!

Also, I have recieved some promising news on the court front.... the trial is in 2 and a half weeks but we had a directions hearing last week. Yet again, he who I dislike lots and lots and lots (:P) tried to extend the trial, change his application AGAIN and requested more family assessments. The judge said NO, NO and NO and was not impressed that he even attempted these things, given we've been in court for almost 2 years. We have the same judge in 2 weeks and I hope he stays on that logic..... for my daughter's sake.

So, although just totally exhaused with school starting, moving, court and illness, for the first time in two years, I feel that things will be OK. I feel that Kara will be OK. I feel that 2008 will be such a brilliant year for us and I cannot wait until March the 4th!!!!

xxxx

Seventeen Years Ago......

I became an Aunty :) It was one of the most exciting days of my life ~ I was 14 years old and just so happy to have a nephew.

Today, Ricky turns 17 and I can't believe it ~ I'm sure my sister can't either!!!

I'm so proud of you Ricka. You've grown into an amazing person and both you and your Mum should be proud of that..... I've packed my photo albums for the move, so I'll add some embarrassing shots next week :P

Happy Birthday xxxx

Love to You Princess and Your Family

Tomorrow, in Kara's school newsletter, Ava's Rule will be circulated to the families of over 700 children. Thank you Sheye and Crayton and to you too Princess. xxx

(click to enlarge)

The Super Princess ~ Ava

One of the treasures the girls found ~ Sheye took the pic :)

Fourteen months ago, Kara and I had the massive privilege of meeting some beautiful people ~ the impact that this meeting would have on my life was something I didn't know at the time. Now though, I appreciate those few days more than I can possibly explain.

I will never forget meeting Ava (and of course her divine Mummy, Sheye and her brothers, Luca and Mason). I turned to look at her and tears welled in my eyes ~ I can not explain why that was so. I was so happy to finally meet Sheye and Ava but it was more than that ~ Ava was just 'more'. There was something about her and to this day, I cannot put it into words. Yes, she was beautiful to look at but she was also beautiful in so many other ways. She stole my heart.

Fast forward 14 months and Ava still has part of my heart. Not a single day passes when I don't think of her. Not a single day passes when I don't think about what her family is going through. I just can't imagine ~ I don't want to imagine. It's just too hard.

Ava left this world almost one year ago and the impact she has made is astounding. This has happened via the exceptional writings of her beautiful Mummy and from the simply gorgeous photos Sheye captured of her Princess.

Ava, you will never be forgotten sweet girl. Kara speaks with you as if you are here and I love that. Thank you for the changes you have brought into our lives and the lives of so many others.

I send so much love to you Sheye and of course to your whole family.

Thinking of you this week and always.

I love this photo ~ they were on a mission LOL

So Exciting....

..... well, it's official. Kara and I are moving homes in less than 3 weeks. Our current home is full of boxes and bags (all empty because I have trouble peeling my butt from this couch) and the packing is starting tomorrow (I WILL start tomorrow.....).

The house we are moving into is further from Kara's school but it's just so perfect for us. Longer travelling time is a small sacrifice. It's brand new (the floors are being done next week) and the kitchen/lounge area is open plan. The lounge leads to glass sliding doors which overlook the backyard ~ not a mansion by any standards LOL but we will be so happy there. Where we are atm is so boxy and cluttered ~ I can't see Kara if she's outside (which I hate due to having a trampoline), so I go out with her. In the new place, she can play outside as much as she likes and I will be able to keep an eye on her. It's a small thing but I'm so glad about it! It's also under 3 mins from the beach and if you know us, you know how much of a bonus that is!!!!

This is going to be a new beginning for us. Kara is so very excited (I was worried about more change and it's effect on her), as am I. After two years of difficult times, it feels like things are changing now.... finally.

Happy and Sad

That's exactly how I feel today. So so very happy that my angel has started school because she is more than ready but also sad that she is ready!!!! It's very strange. She looked all grown up today and settled in straight away. I'm just oh so proud of her and glad that she stayed home last night ~ she woke up this morning and said "Thanks so much Mummy for letting me stay at my home last night". Any punishment I get will be worth that.

I love you baby girl. So so much. xxxxx

Another Battle...

:(

Kara starts school on Tuesday. It should be fun and exciting for her and for the most part, that is the case. Of course though, there has to be the usual PITA.

The current court orders that we have in place state that her father is to have her alternate monday evenings. Due to Australia Day, this monday is a public holiday, meaning Kara starts school on Tuesday. Unfortunately, that means she should be going to her father's house tomorrow night. When we went through court, I checked that she was at home for that Sunday night, but stupidly, I didn't realise there was the holiday....

Problem number one ~ Kara truly wants to stay home tomorrow night. I more than positively assured her I would meet her at school on Tuesday but whenever we discuss that, she ends up in tears, demanding to stay home. She just does not want to go. Despite continual encouragement, that has not changed. She is absolutely sure of what SHE wants to do.

Problem number tw0 ~ her father is a selfish *$%#. I explained to him what is going on and he just does not care. He is of the opinion that Kara needs to learn to be comforted by him. Obviously that is correct ~ she has little choice as he is her father but should that lesson be taught on her first day of school? I think not. So, after attempting to make alternative arrangements (swapping the monday to tuesday and him also coming on the first day of school), I have given up. I've just settled Kara after tears (again) because she is worried she is going to be collected tomorrow night. She won't be collected tomorrow night because after 2 years of having to adhere to court orders which cause my girl stress, I am going against this one.

Whatever the consequence of this, it will be worth it if Kara is that bit happier and confident on her first day of her school life.

My Girl is In Love......

For a while now, I have told Kara that when she begins school, she can have her own computer. I have been looking for an appropriate (aka cheap but suitable lmao) one for the past month or so and we picked up an excellent deal on Ebay ~ of course :P

It arrived yesterday and oh my, Kara is just one happy kid :) She wanted to be set up on MSN straight away (to chat to me from the other side of the room!!!!) and we've favourited her sites. I'm so rapt I don't have to share mine anymore!!!

We also found out today that we will be moving houses. I have mixed feelings about this ~ I am rapt at one end because we will be getting a brand new home (and it's perfect for us!!!) but the timing just isn't the best. We have the court trial in 6 weeks and with Kara starting school next week, I just don't think she needs the stress of moving as well. I'll know more about when it will be happening today but it's either next month or 9-12 months away..... I'm hoping for the latter!

xxxx

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

We're getting there..... half of this still needs to go!!!

Kara has WAY too many clothes ~ at a guess, I could perhaps dress 5 children. It's become a little obsessive although over the past 12 months, I've actually stopped buying a lot. Despite that, we have accumulated so much and due to school starting next week, it's just got to go.

I emptied 95% of Kara's wardrobe into the lounge today and culled it by about 1/3 ~ Kara thought it was fabulous LOL.

If you're into Ebay and have a size 4-5 girl, a few thousand items will soon be listed :P

Isn't He Just Gorgeous? !

Kara's little friend had his 5th birthday party yesterday and although the birthday boy ran out of the camera's view ALL day, I got this pic of Jethro, another of her mates.....

Usually when he sees the camera, this is the result.....

...... so I am really happy with the first pic!

We've had another great week ~ we've spent most days staying home and just spending one on one time together.... I think it's hitting Kara that school starts in one week so she doesn't want to go anywhere. I'm trying to think of something special to do this week but still have no clue... perhaps a caravan park for a couple of nights LOL. She'd love it!

xxxx

43 Minutes To Go.....

....... until it's time to get Kara :P

Every second Monday night, Kara goes to her father's house until Tuesday morning. It's usually a time when I do a whirlwind clean of the house and tidy etc..... sometimes though, the time goes sooooo slowly. It's usually when she's been extra clingy and not wanting to leave, like last night. When his car pulled up, she ran up to me and hid behind me so he wouldn't see her. She clasped the couch and said she's not leaving. She was upset. I had to literally pull her off. It kills me. I know she will have to do a lot she doesn't want to do in life and this is one of those things, but it's still not easy. I miss her so much more when she doesn't want to go. Fifteen hours seems like weeks.

With only 2 weeks left before school starts, we have been doing sooooo much!!! I'm not even sure what that is LOL ~ a lot of days we've just been playing allllll day. We've had parties, been to the zoo, done LOTS of swimming and just generally spent time together. I've just loved it. Kara's also grown SO much over the past few weeks. It's quite amazing really ~ there are some days when I feel I'm watching her grow and change before my eyes. She's such an amazing little being.

Some pics from this week........

Kara and George at his 5th Birthday Party at Macca's.

Kara being Kara ~ she's impressed at the outfit she chose......

My Mum's local Owl!!!!!!!!!!

I might bore you all with some zoo pics once I look at them!

xxxx

Can't Sleep....

....it's 1:35am and although I'm buggered, my body just won't sleep. So, of course I sit here going through folder upon folder of photos (of Kara....).

There are a couple from our recent trip to Qld which for whatever reason appeal to me ~ I adore Kara in white, so maybe that's part of it.....

The other day, I was trying to get a decent pic of my girl and she kept squinting ~ I asked her to open her eyes, so she shoved something into her mouth and did as I asked..... maybe squinting would have been better lmao...

This last pic, I just love. I know it's not a 'great' pic by any means but Kara looks so happy. She had just arrived home on Christmas morning and saw all of her presents ~ she was sooooo rapt.

So far, I am loving 2008. There's a fair bit of crap coming up over the next couple of months but I'm managing to block it alllllll out. I've not been able to do that in the past, so I'm hoping the court stuff will be more managable this time round :) Off to try to sleep..... xxx

Our Little Visitor.....

We have been sooooo excited about having our little 'Ted' visit us for a couple of days ~ she came to a pool party with us last night and partied until 12:30 and she is SO adorable. Her Mummy is picking her up tomorrow but Kara thinks we should ask if we can keep her because she's such a good baby LMFAO. I would ask if I thought there was a chance of a yes :P

So now, of course, I want another baby more than ever!!!!!!




Kara insisted on matching Ted ~ soooo cute!!!

At the end of the night (Kara) and Ted when she had her earlier nap!

2007....

Well, to say I'm glad there are only 2 days left is a massive understatement. Whilst, thankfully, Kara and I have had our health and have managed to get through the stress of the ongoing court case, so many people around us have suffered so terribly and continue to do so. The beginning of a new year won't heal that but it does give me an incentive to strive for new things and enjoy my time with Kara unconditionally.

The big thing I have learnt from this year is to open your eyes to the people that are surrounding and there for you. I have been shocked by those who have offered their support to us ~ people who are 'new' friends in our lives but who have given so much of their time and offered so much emotional support. I am so grateful, especially when those you think will be there are not.

So, to everyone in blogger land, I wish you all the very best for the new year.

Kara and Moni

I just love these two pics of Kara and her friend Monique. They were taken last week and they girls were both so happy to see each other ~ kindy had finished and it had been a whole 5 days apart LOL.

Hoping you all had a Merry Christmas xxx

The End of Kindy :(

My baby girl finished Kindy last week and I think it was as hard on her as it was on her Mummy!!! She just adored going to kindy and although she'll miss it soooo much, she is more than ready for school and the excitement for that is starting to build. I am going to cherish the time I have with her for the next 6 weeks even more than usual ~ I just cannot believe she'll be a school girl after that.

Kara couldn't believe her luck when I told her that her new man (!!!!) was going to be at the same school as her next year. She went to kindy with his younger brother but Ty has won her over because he's bigger and can give her piggy backs LMFAO. I love this pic ~ I think because at the time the kids were having so much fun.

Good Luck Danielle......

..... Noel and Maddy. I am thinking of you sooooo much for tomorrow.

You, all 3 of you, more than anybody, deserve the little person that is about to become part of your family and he has hit the jackpot too......

Loads of Love to you

{{{{xxxx}}}}}

Makeup on My Girl....

ARGHHHH

This is what I have been dreading about Kara being involved in Ballet..... the concert and the horrid makeup.

Apparently, it's important for 4 and 5 year olds to wear red lipstick, green or blue eyeshadow and foundation. I just don't get it and I hate it. Everybody keeps saying it looks horrid close up and great on stage but I think the girls would look great on stage without it pmsl.

Anyway, the concert is in 2 weeks and it's so full on. They have 3 full dress rehearsals, one photography makeup shoot (ummmmm.......) and then the night before, they do the whole thing at the theatre where the big night happens. I really am surprised by the enormity of it. I'm hoping Kara's not worn out before the big night ~ as it is, she falls over when she's dancing LMFAO.

Tonight, we found some red lipstick (an Avon sample that Kara has now claimed due to its size) and Kara wanted a practice run. She LOVED it. She puckered, stared and pranced around like she was a queen. She's worn lippy before but never bright red........she's so divine :)

We then went on to trying on the sports uniform for her school visit tomorrow. She loved that just as much ~ my baby is growing up too fast.

How she likes to wear it..... :P