Masked

I was going to post in my other blog but thought it's still important to keep track of where I'm at on here too.

As most of you know, the court process is kind of happening again... it's in the very early phase and I've had to attend meetings/courses and other CRAP in order to get Kara's case back into the Magistrates Court. Apparently it's how things are done now ~ my theory is that they try to grind you into the ground so you don't have the strength to go back to court ... it's beginning to work.

In a course I attended last week (one of the hardest things I've had to do legally thus far.... very confronting), everybody there had to choose a picture which described where they were at in the current phase of their life. There were quite a few to choose from. Immediately, my eyes were attracted to one with two theatrical masks on it.

I'm fairly open on my blog ~ it's easier to let your feelings flow through typing than with the spoken word ... well it is for me anyway. BUT, in real life, I really do feel I live behind a mask. I feel that I am pretending to be ok (most of the time) when inside, I just want to scream so everybody knows how hard things are. I look around at people who are happy and some days, it makes me angry. How bad is that? How can they be SO happy when our lives are in such turmoil. I hate feeling that, but I do.

I also think that many people prefer the mask to be worn.... they don't actually want to know how you are. They can't handle it when you tell them. It's just easier (for everybody) to pretend to be fine. That's what I'm discovering anyway.

On a brighter note, look at my princess :) This is how she was watching TV the other night ~ she's such a dag sometimes but oh my, how much I love her. Sometimes I think a little too much..... if that's possible.

XXX