Getting There!!!

Kara and I a couple of weeks ago ~ she was being very sweet and it makes me smile.

Well, in the footsteps of Tabitha (xxx), I've decided to just create another blog. Completely blocking the other one is just too hard ~ too many people that read don't have blogger IDs, so to those who have requested to be invited to my blog, I have added you to the new one.

From now on, this blog will be free from complaining, break downs and negativity:P That will be saved for A Mother's Wish. This one will be for our day to day (positive) stuff and to keep in touch with many via photos etc. I'm wondering how successful two will be ~ I'm slack with one lol.

So, on a positive note, there are 41 hours until my Princess is in my arms ~ getting squeezed, hugged, kissed, spun around and maybe even bitten :P The latter in a loving way of course.....

Unblocked

lol

I've had messages today asking why people can't read my blog. I've decided I'd like it to be private for the time being ~ a few reasons.

Soooo, if you would like to have access, can you please send me your BLOGGING email and I can then add you to a list.... it just means you have to log in to read. I don't want to lose touch with any of you!!!

Send it to fredbare@live.com.au

xx

Part Two :P

I'm sitting here with so much going through my head, so given I hardly blog anymore, I thought I'd just blog twice today instead. Maybe typing random things down will help. Maybe it will just make me more upset.

On days like today, when everything feels so hard, I tend to think about so many other things that are happening in my life. I shouldn't, because everything seems so negative but my thoughts just go there. I think about how little, financially, I have. I think about how I have no career since walking away from it when Kara was born. I think about how I wish to parent Kara, and of how for half of her life, I have no say about how she is parented. I think about how very alone I feel at these times. How there seems to be nobody, especially close friends, who understand where I'm at and how hard the past few years have been. How hard the present is. How hard it is to watch my girl be sad and feel so powerless. I realise just how very alone I truly am and it scares me. Especially on days like this. I wonder how things will ever change. I wonder if things will ever change.

All I want is happiness really. Foremost for my girl but then some for me too. I don't want to be so negative. I don't want to need my friends and feel like this when they're not there, for whatever reason. I just don't want to feel this anymore.

I Hate It :(

How all photos of Kara and I look..... she's crazy :)

My girl just left for 8 nights.... eight long nights and I am dreading this week like never before. I miss her already and am so worried about her. It's too long ~ especially for Kara.

She woke this morning and cried almost instantly. It took her a couple of seconds to realise it was Saturday and then we spent an hour on the couch snuggling. She told me she wishes she didn't have to go and as always, got upset when I told her she would be fine and have a great time.... I'm not sure why I bother even trying to comfort her really ~ she just gets angry with me and tells me I'm not the one going through it. But what else do I say?

We had a long talk the other night ~ I was trying to establish just how much of what Kara tells me is what SHE feels and how much is what she wants me to think she feels. In this situation, you're forever told that kids manipulate you and play games with you, so it's always in the back of my mind. Whilst I'm sure Kara does some of that, if all of what she tells me is fiction or for my benefit, I've got an author on my hands. At the end of the day, I'm her mum and if I don't give her the benefit of doubt and take what she has to say on board, I'm as bad as he who shall remain unnamed.

She's just so specific and so sad when we speak ~ I know she's not lying. Some of what she told me angered me more than you could imagine, but I had to sit there and just listen.... I don't want Kara thinking I can't handle anything she has to say. I want her to know she can tell me anything without fear of me 'losing it'. It makes weeks like this even harder though ~ knowing she's not happy and knowing why. Mothers are supposed to be able to comfort and protect their babies ~ it's living hell when that right is taken away.

One day, I hope to look over this blog and reflect on how difficult things were for my girl (and for me) but how she came through a happy, healthy teen/adult. I hope that what she's going through strengthens her and doesn't crush her. Like Kara, I live for the day when she has a say in how her life is lived (well, in most ways lol).

I hope she knows how much I love her and how I would change things if I could.

I just want my girl to be happy, whether that be at home or with her father.

(Rose, thanks for speaking so nicely of my blog to your sister and others ~ much appreciated :))

I Love It!!!

I was starting to catch up on some blogs recently (still haven't though.....) and I spotted a divine skirt on Aria.... I've given up on searching for one in Miss K's size AND I have vowed to stop buying things that Kara just doesn't need. Soooo, the next best thing is to try to make one :)

I have some gorgeous Oilily and spotty fabrics I want to use but thought it best to practice with other (less expensive) fabrics first. Kara has a thing for blue of late, so she helped choose these ones.

I'm so happy with it ~ it's adorable on and it's inspired me to finally get sewing again.



What do you think? Do you think it's too much?

See, She is a Miracle :P

I've always known it but this photo proves it LOL. I know it's blurred but Kara and I think the above pic is cooooool. I don't think I'd ever manage to snap that again....

The past week has been GREAT! I took Kara camping for three nights ~ it was at a caravan park which is 15 minutes away with showers, kitchens, fridges, pools etc... we had such a good time but I'm somewhat happy to be in my own room again. Having said that, the one on one with my girl was lovely. We swam, went on beach walks and played games for 4 days... bliss. There were arguments in there too lol but they seem to be daily with Kara at the moment. Her mind of her own seems to have taken on a whole new level.

I really don't want this three weeks (now two) to end. This is our last large block of time together for a while unless another miracle occurs ~ who knows... maybe 2009 will be the year for them.

Happy New Year to all of you lovely bloggers out there. I hope the next twelve months and beyond bring oodles of happiness and health.

xxx

Miss K enjoying the water....

New Year's Eve...

At the beach last night ~ the sky was AMAZING...Pinks and Purples.