How all photos of Kara and I look..... she's crazy :)
She woke this morning and cried almost instantly. It took her a couple of seconds to realise it was Saturday and then we spent an hour on the couch snuggling. She told me she wishes she didn't have to go and as always, got upset when I told her she would be fine and have a great time.... I'm not sure why I bother even trying to comfort her really ~ she just gets angry with me and tells me I'm not the one going through it. But what else do I say?
We had a long talk the other night ~ I was trying to establish just how much of what Kara tells me is what SHE feels and how much is what she wants me to think she feels. In this situation, you're forever told that kids manipulate you and play games with you, so it's always in the back of my mind. Whilst I'm sure Kara does some of that, if all of what she tells me is fiction or for my benefit, I've got an author on my hands. At the end of the day, I'm her mum and if I don't give her the benefit of doubt and take what she has to say on board, I'm as bad as he who shall remain unnamed.
She's just so specific and so sad when we speak ~ I know she's not lying. Some of what she told me angered me more than you could imagine, but I had to sit there and just listen.... I don't want Kara thinking I can't handle anything she has to say. I want her to know she can tell me anything without fear of me 'losing it'. It makes weeks like this even harder though ~ knowing she's not happy and knowing why. Mothers are supposed to be able to comfort and protect their babies ~ it's living hell when that right is taken away.
One day, I hope to look over this blog and reflect on how difficult things were for my girl (and for me) but how she came through a happy, healthy teen/adult. I hope that what she's going through strengthens her and doesn't crush her. Like Kara, I live for the day when she has a say in how her life is lived (well, in most ways lol).
I hope she knows how much I love her and how I would change things if I could.
I just want my girl to be happy, whether that be at home or with her father.
(Rose, thanks for speaking so nicely of my blog to your sister and others ~ much appreciated :))
2 comments:
Hi Vanessa,
Thank for the comment on my blog. I would LOVE to go to Australia. I've wanted to since I was a little girl. One day I will get there and look you up. By that time we'll be old friends so it won't be stalker-scary-ish. :)
I have to tell you that you look sooooo young. When I first found your site I thought you were Kara's sister not her mum. Really, not joking.
Gosh, I'm so sorry the "one who shall remain unnamed" is such a louse. I can't imagine how you're not pulling your hair out. You're right, you're Kara's mum and if you don't give her the benefit of the doubt, then who will? Certainly not that louse. How old is Kara? (6 I think?) When she gets a little older maybe you can go back to court and have her actually say what's on her mind? I don't know how things work where you live but in the US at some point when kids get a little older the courts think they're old enough to know and have a mind of their own, so they can have a say in what they want to do as far as visiting the other parent.
Until then, we're all here to lift you up and make the next 8 days be a little more bearable. I hope the time flies by quicker than you hope.
Much love from NJ,
Sue
Oh Vanessa ~ as always, I can totally identify with what you are saying and to an extent what you feel!!
These things are never easy ~ and all we Mothers can do is be there and listen.......and hope that oneday it will all be OK!!
Thinking of you my dear friend ~ Take care ~ love and big hugs Tabitha XXXX
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