This post won't be as negative as some recent ones ~ I think I'm so drained atm, I can't even feel sad... not during this 10 minutes anyway. I'm so up and down.
I've been thinking a lot about something today and given that I can't sleep, thought I may as well blog about it. It takes my mind from wondering how Kara is momentarily.
During these times ~ by 'these' times, I mean the times when I just don't cope ~ I rely so heavily on the support of others. Funnily enough, a lot of that support comes via this screen and it's what saves me at 3am ~ I can just reread the comments/advice/kind words over and over. Lately though, I've relied A LOT on one friend in particular and today, more than the other days, it hit me just how much :( I then spiral into guilt about that and think how selfish I've been putting all of my sh*t onto somebody who has enough to deal with.
You know, more than anything I want to come to this blog and post about happiness, positive experiences, my gorgeous girl (without tears). I want my old normal to return. I just don't know how to get back to it when Kara is going through what she is. When I am missing her like I am.
I am so grateful for all of the support I get but I am also so sorry that I need to ask for it. I hope my friends understand that.
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10 comments:
I am sure that all your friends do understand Vanessa. I know that I understnad totally where you are coming from and I think that it is good that you have the release of blogging to help with all this!
Keep smiling and stay strong.
Love and hugs XXXXXXXXX
That's what friends are for.. through the good, the bad & the plain old ugly times! I'm sure that you've been there for your friends too! You'll soon be back to posting about your gorgeous girl & all the things that bring you happiness.. hang in there... you can do it I know you can! Go out & do something for you before Kara comes home... go and have a facial, manicure something that will leaving you feeling refreshed & ready for when Kara is home! It will do you the world of good!!
Take care,
love,
t. xxxxxx
You should never EVER have to be sorry for asking friends for support, thats what we're here for....thats if you can catch me (I know I'm never around)!!
Only 2 more sleeps, ages I know but you can do it, OK how's that for a pep talk?
I am now following...because I dont want you to "look like a dick"
Now go and get some sleep,
Love em
You all rock....
Thanks Em lmfao. You wad MWAH
x
Sending you big hugs Vanessa-you will get through this- I know you can.
LMAO @ Em, I am a follower too Baaa!
Take care
Love mexx
Vanessa,
Your friends are supposed to be there to lift you up when you can't do it yourself. They can see (or hear) how much you're hurting. Raising a child as a single mother is hard enough without all the added b.s. that your ex is giving you.
Hang in there girl. Kara will be back safe and sound very soon.
Sending hugs and prayers from NJ,
Suz
{{{HUGS}}}
Your friends wouldn't be there for you if they weren't true friends.
You are amazing Vanessa!
Hugs
Justine
hi vanessa,
i have followed your blog for a while now, but i don't think i have ever commented.
lately, it's been on my heart to share with you.
in my family, i am sort of like your Kara. my parents divorced when i was 6 and my father never really wanted me, but made it extremely difficult for my mom to keep me. he was so unfair to her and basically blackmailed her saying that if she asked for child support, he would fight for full custody, taking me away from my mother.
growing up was very difficult because i could see how much my mother loved me and how what my dad did was soley to hurt my mother.
i am now 19 and i still do not have a real relationship with my father. even though i had to spend half of the time with him, the abundant love of my mother as overwhelmed me and my memories from childhood.
all i have when i look back is loving memories of how dear i am to my mother's heart. she made that very clear to me.
so don't give up. Kara loves you so much. and when things seem impossible, just remember that love outweighs everything. Kara knows you love her to pieces and that you want the best for you. She knows you want to be there. She knows you hate not being able to see her for days on end.
don't lose heart. i know this trial seems neverending, but light always comes on the dawn.
sorry this was so long, i've just been thinking about you and Kara alot lately.
i'll leave you with this quote from mother teresa: i have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
love,
lauren
Lauren ~ I tried replying to your comment the other night when I read it, but the link doesn't allow access to your blog, so it will have to be here lol.
THANK YOU. Thank you for so much. For sharing part of you with a complete stranger in order to provide comfort/support. Thank you for giving me something to hold on to. Thank you for your time.
The hardest thing by far for me with all of this, is how it will affect my girl. The missing hurts like crazy too but in all honesty, if I knew Kara was happy, the missing would be less. Having her away from her home and knowing she isn't happy is just so hard to deal with.
To know that you have been in Kara's situation and have come through it and still have a positive relationship with your mum means so much. To know that you can look back on your childhood and still remember being so loved means even more. I just so desperately want Kara to be able to do that.
She came home the other day and initiated a conversation which for me was so difficult to listen to. She told me she doesn't want a father who orders her mother out of her special moments. She asked WHY he would do such a thing. She said she just hates him for that and wished she never had to spend time with him again.
I still hang on to to the hope that I can do something about all of this but if I can't, I imagine I will come back to your post many times as a reminder.
Mother Teresa was very wise.....
Merry Christmas Vanessa ~ hope you and your sweet girl have a wonderful day XXXX
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