Well, I'll keep this short because I'm somewhat shattered atm.
I was given two choices today.
The first. To proceed to trial. Basically, this would have involved the judge (according to my lawyer) awarding 50-50 custody due to the new legislation. This is despite his late application ~ apparently it's just what is done now.
The second. Negotiate.
I chose the latter but now, I feel like the worst mother in the world. I feel like I've agreed to things I just don't agree to, to avoid a worse situation.
Basically, Kara will have week about visits from when she is 7. That's according to the orders.
I just had no choice. If I went to trial and he got 50-50 this year, there would have been nothing I could do. This way, I have almost 3 years before it happens and it gives me a lot of time to appeal if Kara is not ready at that stage.
Thanks to all of you who have left comments, emailed and phoned. Honestly, even coming home today to some new messages lifted me.
I think I'm in denial guys. How will Kara and I not spend one week at a time together? I'm just not dealing with this at all.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
Oh dear! :(
Haven't read your blog for weeks, so wasn't aware of these horrible new developments :(
I cannot imagine having to share my girls like that...
Be brave Vanessa! {{{ hugs }}}
Holy crap......I wasn't expecting this post tonight. Been thinking of you all day. Thought it would be super news.
What a load of shit, expecting a child to move house each week. It's certainly opened my eyes up, i always thought the Dad's got them every second weekend and one night a week for dinner, don't ask me why I thought that though.
OK, so you've gone option 2, thats good, you've got almost 3 yrs and a hell of a lot can happen in 3 yrs. How much of this does Kara know?
Maybe D'head Dad might have met a buxom Swedish lass and decided to move to Europe by then?.... Trying to look on the bright side here.
Seriously though, I'm really really sorry, I know this isn't what you had in mind for today. Now it's time for you to sit back assess it all, don't even think about what 'could happen in 3 yrs.'That's a long way off and lot's can change.
My heart aches for you Vanessa, along with every other Mum who will read your post. All I can say is it's just not bloody fair and I'm sorry.
Em
Arrgh, I just read your comment on Danielle's blog. Again I wish a certain person would trip when doing a wee and drown. How can he put Kara in the front seat?? My inlaws see nothing wrong with a 3 yr old in the front seat and told us we were idiots having our car seats fitting by a professional.
And then they wonder why I've never let them have our children...EVER.
You don't know me but I came across your blog one day and fell in love with you and Kara. :) it's such a precious relationship.
Maybe in 3 years the court will aknowledge Kara's opinion. Is that a possibility? Because you know she would never want to be away from you that long, it is apparant. And not fair to a daughter who just wants to be with her mom.
You're always in my prayers. Just keep holding on to Kara. Hold on for you, and be the voice right now for her. xoxo -lauren
Oh Vanessa, my heart aches for you. I think you made the right decision... 3 years of absolute quality time will be wonderful. Don't think about the waht if's, just enjoy. You never know , once she turns 7 things could be a whole lot different! He may not even be interested then, he could be in a different stage of his life - whilst it does not sound that far away, believe me, in the scheme of things it is a long time especially for him to have to wait to get what he most wanted.
I am a firm believer in that things happen for a reason and although we can't see the 'reason' nor the 'rhyme' at the moment, it will come to you eventually.
I know losing my half-brother when Mum lost custody of him through no fault of her own - only that she was a working Mum - and his Dad was able to be at home all of the time - tore us to the core (note this was her 2nd custody battle - the first time around she lost me and kept my sister because I was 11 and able to speak for myself and felt 'sorry' for my Dad not fully realising the implications of such a speech or the brainwashing from Dad - 3 years later life turned around and I went back to Mum full time and have barely seen my Dad since)...anyhow we were devastated - looking on so many years down the track - in a way it has worked wonders, we all have wonderful relationships and are one of the closest families I know despite the Steps, the Halfs, the new partner, not having full residency, etc - my Mum was stong, but she became even stronger afterwards and has finally achieved in life what my Dad and my brothers Dad tried ripping away from her. My brother is a wonderful young man and realises that despite his Dad's good intentions, he isn't the best parent but the communication lines have always been open - so what we once thought was going to be a tragedy has now turned into some kind of crazy wonderful if you may.
I realise it is so early on in the piece for you, but know that we are all here for you if and when you need us. These things take time, and you have the power of time and the power of a beautiful soul on your side... hug that girl of yours - she most certainly has a wonderful mother and friend :)
Hugs & Love,
Mishy
x0x0x0
That's right. 3 years is a bloody long time. Think back to where you were 3 years ago. I think you made the right decision. It's what I would have done.
Kara will have a better understanding of it all by then so don't worry.
Thinking of you
Kristen
Guys ~ thank you.
I really do mean that so sincerely.
I feel so 'heavy' today ~ can't quite explain it really. Coming home to read these comments just mean so much and it's nice to have them to come back to when I lose it.....
Mishy ~ your comment makes me feel a little more at ease. I worry so much that Kara won't cope and that he will say things to her which aren't true ~ he already does that. I just want my baby to be happy.
Oh no Vanessa. How terrible for you. I can imagine you must have been just in total shock when it happened :(
But like others have said - 3 years, for HIM will be a long time. He hopefully will not WANT Kara for a week about - it would interfere with his lifestyle.
Big hugs, give your beautiful girl so much love and kisses and you will get through this!!
Justine
xoxo
http://juzziebear.spaces.live.com
Hi Vanessa I came across your blog quite by accident and just wanted to send you my warmest wishes. I have been through something very similar (although I live in the United Kingdom and the legal side seems to be slightly different!). I had to go to court with my (NOW EX) Husband over the children and had all the heartache and sleepless nights that goes with that, not to mention the expense. He got what he wanted and then decided that he didn't want it after all (hope that makes sense), and now he sees the children very rarely. All I wanted to say to you was hang in there, there will be light at the end of it all and it does get better eventually (I know that it doesn't always feel like that). With warmest wishes to you and your lovely little girl. (if you don't mind I will pop back to your blog and see how you are doing from time to time). Take care, Tabitha X
Hello,
Been wondering how you are doing? Has it slowing sunk in yet? How's Kara and what does she know? Has big mouth opened his mouth about it all? All these question!!!
Em
Post a Comment