GO THE CATS

I am a Blues supporter BUT I have always had a soft spot for the cats.... to think that all of the supporters my age and 10 years older have NEVER seen their team win a Grand Final...... I hope they see it today!!!!!!!

Have You Ever Hated?

My guess is you know where there is heading.....

I am being quite serious though ~ have you ever truly hated a person. Have you ever just thought of a person and thought nothing but ill feelings ~ nothing but harm toward them?

I thought I had previously. There was a man in my life who I truly despised (and still do). I didn't think I could dislike anybody more than he but then Kara's father stepped up a gear.

I have a friend who thinks it's awful to feel such a way toward another human being and I suppose she is right. It's not a good way to be BUT how do you lessen it? How do you think about somebody who you would literally like to see under a bus in a positive light? Maybe not even a positive light ~ just not such a negative one? How do you do this when you honestly see nothing but negativity when you think, see or hear of them? How do you not hate a person who hurts your child?

I know I will never forgive Kara's father for what he has put us through. I will never be able to forget the hurt he has caused my child, all because of his "right". I don't think I could keep up this amount of hatred for him either, not without it running me into the ground. So how do I get rid of it? I often think that maybe it will ease when he starts putting Kara first but he just doesn't. He is a manipulating, controlling, selfish prick and if I ever am going to feel differently about him, it's going to take a lot of work.

She has just left for an extended weekend because it's a public holiday here and it's his right ~ it doesn't matter that she still hates 2 nights. I will probably reread this later and think WTF did I type that for LOL but it's what I'm feeling right now and I need to release a little.......

When all of this court stuff is over, I am going to do something in the field which helps others in our situation. I have no idea how but I will do something ~ something needs to change these new legislations because my child is being used as a guinea pig.

My Little Doctor.....

With some of the ideas that Kara's been coming out with lately, I wouldn't be surprised if she really was one of these one day LMAO :P

At kindy this week, there's been a medical station set up LOL and it's the first thing Kara runs too. It is just soooooo cute. She gets all decked out and then walks around the kindy announcing she "needs patients". A couple of game kids usually accept her offer and then she gets to work. It really is just so bloody gorgeous :)

On the court front, we had it again today. It was a so called "Dispute Resolution" conference, which translated means..... organise care for Kara in the middle of the day, turn up and leave because her father is an absolute toss*r. He apparently ( I requested separate rooms so I didn't have to hear his crap) was not interested in negotiating on any level. WHYYYYYY did he even turn up then??? Because he is dumb :P

I'm feeling OK though. My friends and Mum have all been so great and supportive, as they can see the strain this whole situation has caused and tonight, I got home to a lovely message from my step brother which made my week~ thanks Sam..... it meant more than you could imagine xxxx

Now, for my little doctor.... :P

I just adore this pic of my princess. She was about to roll off of her bed and the next few photos (which I haven't added here) result in her falling off :)

OK ~ This STILL Makes me PMSL

I hope I can get this to work ~ if not, I'll work it out later today.

Those who know me know I am obsessed with Ebay ~ mainly for Kara's clothing but it doesn't stop there. Some nights, I will try to think of something I neeeed just to get that buying buzz. I would go so far as saying it's an addiction and I am hooked.

That's why this clip makes me laugh soooo much ~ it could be about me and what I imagine to be thousands of others out there.

Thank you Sarah Sooooooooooooooooooo Much!

OK, it's just a dress but it's a dress I started thinking I would have to live without this summer UNTIL the lovely, divine Sarah told me she had one YAYYYYY

I just love Oilily's Kimono Blossom Print and this dress is one of my favourites on Kara ~ isn't it gorgy!!!

Do You Think She Likes Her?

Well, Kara loves her bug LMAO. She has named her Lily and we got her out of her tank today ~ I thought she might be a little apprehensive but nooooooo. Not only did she hold her, but she let her climb her face, head, legs and arms LOL. She thought it was hilarious when Lily decided to climb onto the lens of my camera too :P

Ohhhhh and I finally purchased a DSLR camera. Don't ask me how to use it yet LOL ~ I am enquiring about courses this week. These are some of the first pics I have got from it and I have so much to learn. It will be great though, as I need something to focus on to keep my mind busy.

On the court front, we are back on Wednesday. I don't even know what for anymore ~ it's all too confusing and even when you think you're prepared, you turn up and nothing happens or things happen that weren't planned. It's a bit of a joke really ~ it makes me want to do something to help others who are going through it who don't have the support that I do. Even with support it's a nightmare, so without must be unbearable.

Some more pics of Kara with Lily :)

My Little Picaso......

Eden and the kids were over today and by the end of the day, the kids were tired and hungry......

Ted decided she wanted a feed, so Bruno then demanded "Boob" too LMFAO. Eden proceeded to feed both kids and Kara's eyes almost popped out of her head LMAO. She said she NEEDED a pencil and paper to draw THAT and that she did......

Spring Pics and Our New Pet.....

I was thinking this morning about a few things I have always wanted to do but never done.... one was doing medicine (unlikely now LMAO) and the other was learning photography. Ever since I can remember, my family would make fun that I always had a camera with me. When I had Kara, I became even more obsessed lmao but although I have a lot of photos, I don't have a lot of 'good' photos. I sooooo want to learn how to shift that balance.

Here are some pics of our garden LOL. Within the past 2-3 days, everything has started to bud or bloom ~ I looooove Spring. I've also got a couple of pic of our new pet!!!!!!! He's a Macleay's Spectre Stick Insect and I just got home with him. Kara hasn't seen her yet (it's a she assuming my gender recognition is correct :P) ~ I'm not sure if she'll run and hide or love it!!!!

My Arsey Shop LMAO

A couple of years ago, I finally found Kara the bed I had been looking for ~ it took me 12 months and when I saw it, I had to have it. Then, I also found a little 'open' (no doors) wardrobe unit at Freedom which matched perfectly ~ I couldn't afford both, so I purchased the bed and waited for the unit.

Yesterday I decided to go back to Freedom to see if they still had them. Due to space issues, all of Kara's clothes are in wardrobes in my room and Kara has been saying she would like them in hers, so she can get up in the morning and choose her clothes LOL. Anyyyyyyyway, I went to Freedom and they no longer have the unit :( I looked at alternatives and the only thing close (kind of) to what I would like, was $600 and not all that nice. I got all the quotes etc and decided to wait until I had looked around a little more......

Then, in the afternoon, I went to my Mum's to try to distract my mind from the lack of Kara LOL. Mum was finishing her housework off and she suggested I go to the Salvos (I loooooooove Salvation Army shopping!!!!!) until she was done. I didn't want to go but then thought I should, cos I might miss a bargain PMSL :P

I drove down and when I got there, something told me to go straight to the furniture. I NEVER do that ~ I always go to kids clothing in case there's a Fred Bare item lmao....... I went to furniture, turn around and there it is. The open unit I wanted from Freedom. I could not believe my EYEEEEEES!!!!!! I stood there until an assistant came near me LMFAO and asked how much it was ~ $30 OMFG. I got an allen key and started taking it apart to take home hahahaha. When I turned it onto its side, I saw a sticker underneath saying "Imported for FREEDOM furniture". It's the exact one I saw 2 years ago.

Gosh I can ramble lmao. I'm still on a little retail high though and thought I'd share something a little more positive after yesterday's not so cheerful post :P

xxxxx

Crappy Day

I'm lying in bed missing my girl this weekend. I just hate waking up and not having her here, particularly when I know she didn't want to go last night. She had a birthday party and her father wanted to take her as it was at the time he picks her up (which is fair enough.....) but Kara didn't want that. I suggested I could go along later and dress up with a moustache and long coat so nobody else would know and she PHSL at that idea LOL.

It's more than the party that's making me feel shit though ~ it's just knowing that despite what Kara wants and needs, I am unable to give that to her because of the new legislation. If she is ill and wants to just stay home in bed, I would be breaking the law if I allowed that (and yes, his opinion is it's all part of it ~ she needs to get used to that). Despite her wanting to be here on Christmas morning, she is forced to sleep there this Christmas Eve. Despite her still dreading every second fortnight, she has to stay for 3 nights next fortnight because it's a public holiday. She is having accidents again (although she has been toilet trained for 3 years). She screams out "I want Mummy" in the middle of dream and wakes up distraught. She tells me that she doesn't understand why her Daddy is making her feel so bad if he really does love her. She tells me she needs to "grow up really fast" so that he will start listening to her. She tells me she hates what he is doing to her life (and they are her exact words).

If the legislation is all about the child, why then does it state "prior living arrangements are irrelevant"? How can prior living arrangements be irrelevant? How can a child who has been raised soley by one parent be expected to then spend excessive time with another, just because it suits their new living or partner arrangements? Oh and if one more person suggests that "children are strong and they manage" I will shoot them :P Children shouldn't have to "manage". Children should be happy and not have such heavy burdens to deal with.

The past 18 months have shown me that the new legislation does not respect the primary care giver of children (usually the mother) at all. The new legislation has given the non-residential parent a bribery chip ~ "if you don't give me X, I'll go for 50-50". The new legislation needs to change because it is causing so much grief to so many families. It needs to be rephrased and it needs to take different situations into account.

I became a mother because I desperately wanted to keep the baby that Kara's father didn't want. I was threatened by him when I was pregnant, that he would not want the baby but that when it was older, he would take it from me. He told me last year, that if I didn't give him weekends, he would take me to court when the new legislation was in and take Kara for 50% of the time. He told me that he didn't want her for weekdays but that he would do it anyway. He has been given the power to dictate when and for how long he will see Kara because he knows I am desperately scared of my child having to move between 2 houses for the rest of her childhood. Then, my daughter is interviewed but because she is so very clever and vocal for her age, her opinions are not seen as her own as they are too "advanced" ~ this is despite me being equally shocked with what came from her mouth.

Maybe Kara is right. The only time she will be listened to is when she is older. It's such a shame that we are going to have children wishing they could grow up just to be heard.

Soooo Funny....

I am on MSN chatting and came across these (again) ~ I saw them ages ago and for whatever reason, they just crack me up.

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule2

Getting There.....

I've been feeling really crappy of late ~ all the court stuff is just getting too much and the realisation that I have to deal with Kara's father and miss out on my daughter is so difficult. I hope that one day the hate I have for him will subside but that won't happen until he (if he ever does) starts putting Kara's needs first.....

Having said that, we have had a few really great days with friends and today, with Mum. It's Showtime in Adelaide atm and we have already been twice ~ Kara just has an absolute blast and it's worth watching your money just evaporate LOL. Last week we went with Tanya and Evan and they were sooo cute..... they had a ball together. Today we went with my Mum and the highlight for all involved was smashing the crap out of the dodgem cars :P Mum was warned several times to drive in the right direction as she headed toward me full speed LMAO.

Here are some pics ~ there are heaps but there are soooo many more.

I look at some of these photos and tell myself Kara still is a happy little girl....sometimes I need to focus on that.

Arriving!!! Her little face just lit up...

The "biggest" Thing Kara has ever won ~ according to Kara lol!!

Her First Rollercoaster!!!!!

The Kangaroo Ride ~ This was soooooooo CUTE!

Just Cute!!!!

Some from Today

My Girl Today...

I just love these 2 photos ~ one because I love the outfit and the other because it cracks me up!!

I love Kara in white and I also love dress/pant combos, so this outfit is adorable in my opinion!! We just got home from ballet, hence the lump on her head :P

And this ~ from a swimming pool today LMAO. She is just so proud of herself and it makes me laugh whenever I look at it... Kara was in the middle of jumping in and still managed to smile for the camera!!!!

We went to the show yesterday and last night, so I will bombard my blog tonight :P

They Say Little Girls Often Choose Partners Like Their Father....

I need to find some reports which suggest otherwise because if it's true, Kara is doomed.

It's no secret ~ I hate my daughter's father. He is arrogant, manipulating, a cheat, selfish and those are his positive points.

We had court today and our case is now going to trial. Why??? Well, not because he is worried about spending time with Kara ~ that would be putting her first but he doesn't do that. There are two reasons we are going to trial:

* he wants to take my 4 year old on a racing yacht. This isn't just any boat (which I would hate anyway :P) ~ this is a racing yacht. It has no sides. I have not said he can never take her ~ just not until she can swim independantly. I would have thought that was reasonable ~ I keep having to remind myself he is not.

* he wants to take Kara to Canada for 3 weeks, even though when he wants it to occur, she would have only spent 3 nights in a row with him. Please keep in mind that she still is opposed to 2 sleepovers ~ don't think she would be too keen on 21.

So, because of these two issues, we didn't settle at court today.

This man is the most selfish being I have ever met. Unfortunatly, I lost all control at court today and let it all out. If he had any doubt about how I felt, he wouldn't now :P

Thank You Belle......

...... and Danielle, Noel and Madeleine, for making me more aware of how my girl should be travelling in our car.

For the past 12 months, I have had Kara in a bolted booster seat, with a bolted safety harness. I thought I was doing the right thing by her BUT her seat has no anti-sub (keeps the seatbelt down at the correct level) device and it may not adequately protect her in an accident. I had no idea about this, until speaking with Danielle, an amazing mother who lost one of her little girls, Belle, in a "minor" car accident last year. Thanks to Danielle (and Noel), I now understand more about what is safe for Kara and today, we purchased a Safe and Sound Explorer seat (same as the maxi rider but no arms/drink holder). Please go to read this site ~ http://www.belletoni.org.au/ ~ our kids are worth every bit of $300.

I had to laugh though ~ Kara was all excited UNTIL we got it into the car, at which point she decided to cry. When asked what was wrong, she said "It's a dumb seat ~ I feel like a baby again and I hate it". We now have to travel with a blanket over the straps in case any of her friends see her in a "baby" seat LMAO. She'll come round though and if she doesn't, stiff!!!!!