OK ~ I have no idea what, if anything, I can do but I have to try.
My daughter came up to me yesterday, out of nowhere after a 'normal' day and said.....
"Mummy, I love you. I really don't want to have 2 houses Mummy".
How do you answer that? She really DOESN'T want 2 houses. Why should she HAVE to have two houses. I think the law should make her father live in two houses like they are making her and that thought was prompted after somebody whom I don't know sent me this message.
Hi Vanessa,
It is so hurtful I know. How many adults do you know would want to live between two houses - none, yet we expect children to do it. Would her father want to live between two houses - no, I suspect not.
Remember this though - this is not about you or your beautiful little girl, this is about him...he wants to punish you, he wants to make up to Kara for not being around, he wants to have a good time with his child (now that she is old enough to be 'fun'), and probably wants to show off 'his possession' to his new girlfriend who will no doubt be caring for your daughter.
Any man who does this in my mind, does not have the child's best interests at heart and that is where the courts should start looking - motivation. You and I have found out the hard way that we (and our children) have no rights in the legal system.
Once this is all over, the best thing you can do is understand that the orders have to be complied with (l will never accept, but I have to go along with them). Also understand, that you are not responsible for the upset she is potentially going to incur - he is, but you will be there for her.
Thinking of you and hope I can help.
The law is so wrong. I have been through so many emotions in the past few weeks but at the moment, I just want to SCREAM at the stupid judges, politicians, fathers and most of all, Kara's father.
My daughter knows what she does and doesn't want. She is more than capable of expressing her views. She should have rights. She has no rights. That needs to change.
I will be reporting back with what's happening with this stuff on here ~ it's a really good way for me to release without it affecting Kara. Off to search for Voodoo dolls on Ebay :P
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Hey there Vanessa - it must be so hard having your daughter's life being wrangled like that - I am "lucky" in that I have not had to deal with CS or custody issues.
Having an ex who accepted he had mental health issues (when he wasn't having the actual episodes) was actually a blessing. Who'd a thunk that!
If you want to email me at jeanie now 35 at yahoo dot com (no spaces etc) I can give you the address of a solo parenting message board that I am on (but only if you want to). There are a few there who have some experience...
Hey you know how I feel on these parenting issues. I would love to help but there is absolutely nothing I can do. Like the other person said you are a good mother and it is not you doing this to Kara. I do think that her father should spend time with her and I know you do to. I am hoping that Karma will come bit him in the but some day very soon.
Big Hugs to both you girls.
Mwah
Sue xx
My heart breaks for you V, but not half as much as it breaks for Kara. Kara's father is a miserable human being. His daughter is articulating concerns regarding her feelings and he is not mature or insightful enough to make her emotional health his priority. This in itself should be a red flag. Unfortunately this will not change, and I can guarantee you nor will the inequities of family law.
Keep your head up high V, you are an exceptional mother who has managed to raise a beautiful bright happy little girl all by yourself, I have no doubt you will continue to do this despite any adversity you encounter.
XXXX
Vanessa I dont know what to say really but I do wish you all the best and Kara as well. I hope you find your voodoo dolls!
You already know what I think about the whole two living arrangements thing!!!! I have a Dan doll(oops voodoo doll)here but its missing its privates , I'll send it to you anyway though ;-)
Vanessa,
One thing is certain and that is your pure love for kara, as she gows she will know you have absolute love for her. It is unfair and having grown up between two houses I can tell you that it is a long haul for children, but I am stronger for it and I know that I have one parent who always had my best interests, at heart despite all the bad things the other one did. As an adult I love that parent like nothing I can descibe and when my chips are down and as you know they so often are that parent is the one I call on. I saw the pure love and that's all I really needed.
Thanks so so so so much to all of you xxxxx
Danielle, what you wrote brought tears to my eyes. With all that is going on, I haven't really had time to process what MY feelings around all of this are ~ you kind of focus on what your child is experiencing. Having said that, there have been fleeting moments where I am terrified that Kara's father will turn her against me ~ he tries in his little manipulating ways ~ so your words are invaluable to me.
Racheal ~ LMAO. Maybe you should check the voodoo doll closely.... his privates are usually in his hands, so you may have missed them :P
Post a Comment