Can't Sleep

Well, so much for listing (on Ebay), cleaning, sewing..... all I've done tonight is sit on my butt and eat crap. Miss K is with her dad tonight, so as usual, I'm wide awake and will be for a few more hours.... I sleep so much better when she's happily tucked in bed at her home....

Anyway, I just looked through some pics and had a chuckle at the pelican one above. My friend's daughter turned 5 last week and she had a party at the zoo. The pelicans (which I find extraordinary to look at), were very close to their fence, so I thought I'd take a pic..... well, I ended up crapping my pants. As I was getting ready to shoot, the pelican swung its head to my direction and went for the camera. I jumped back and as I did, pushed the button on the camera (without intention). At the time, it was so funny......Kara loves the pic because when she zooms in, she can see down it's throat. A bit gross really lol.

School holidays next week, so I might be a little quiet for a while :P Kara has to go for 5 days again, so neither of us are all that keen... bring on wednesday week. I HATE the first week of holidays:(

Bragging...... again :P

For what it's worth, I think Kara is bright :P She amazes me daily with what she knows and what's even more impressive is that she teaches herself constantly. She will sit down for hours and do maths. She will get home from school and write stories (that make sense!). She always wants to learn and always has.

The past few months, I suppose because I spend so much time around other 5 year olds, I appreciate her knowledge even more... if that's possible. With maths for example, she goes through her 2, 3, 5 and 10 times tables. She knows addition, subtraction, multiplication and some basic division. She loooooooves to play Yahtzee and kicks my butt when she does lol. She sits in the back seat on the way home and reads the school newsletter.... she still stumbles but she's only 5.... how has she learnt soooooo much in so little time? She amazes me.

Tonight, we were reading a book about the life cycle of a butterfly. One of the first pages was explaining how the caterpillar uses its silk to keep the leaf it's in folded over. I asked Kara if she could think of a reason as to why it would do this. Her response was simply "to protect itself from it's predators of course". She then suggested it would also protect the 'creature' from bad weather.

I know I'm rambling lmao but I wanted to make sure I start keeping track of some of her comments. I'm SO SO SO proud of you sweet girl. xxx

And just a couple of pics.... Miss K had her first disco a couple of weeks ago and requested I make silver stretch pants (thanks to the Bratz)......

And this was taken on Tuesday ~ in her new (Mummy made :P) school pini and most importantly to K, scrunchies .... she looks so grown up.... and yes, she also looks stunned. That's what I get when I ask her to open her eyes (as opposed to squinting....).

Photos From a Five Year Old

I'm a proud mummy. Kara has always loved to take pictures ~ always. She has hogged my little camera since she was about 3, so last year I got her the kids Fisher Price one. It was the best money I've ever spent on a toy for her ~ she used it over and over and over again.

Last week I decided she needed a big girl's camera. The Fisher Price one is great for a toddler because it survives falls but the actual photos aren't that clear. So I just got a basic (cheap) Kodak digital camera and it's soooo good for her. Easy to use (she even half presses the shutter button to allow auto focus lol) and Kara thinks it's the best.... I need to upload some of my pics of Kara taking pics (it was so cute!) lol but here are some she took at the zoo last week. I think they are so good for her age ~ she'll be stoked when she sees that I've blogged them :)

Sometimes It's Too Much

I write this post hesitantly, as I know there are bloggers out there who judge me on my weakness. But, it is how I'm feeling, whether it be admirable or not and this is my blog, so off I go....

I know there are so many people out there with problems which far exceed my own. I know (and hate that) there are mums out there without their babies in their lives. I know that I'm one of the luckiest people to have Kara in my life.

But I also know what it's like to slowly have your time with your child cut short, bit by bit. And I hate it. Knowing that in less than 18 months, I won't see my girl for a week at a time is too much to take in. I just don't know how to cope when I have 'dips' like the one I'm in. Usually I just ignore that it will happen, but sometimes it hits me hard.

For the past few weeks, Kara has been somewhat distant. She's been nasty, argumentative and just generally answering back ~ constantly. All of this, I know, is normal for a five year old. I understand that ~ I don't like it, but I understand it. But when I express my concern with her father and he tells me she's been angelic and over affectionate, alarm bells ring. Everybody keeps saying it's because she's most comfortable at home ~ she even says "I always have to be nice, so I let my nastiness out with you because I'm more comfortable". Most of the time I almost 'appreciate' that but at the moment, I just want my little girl back.

So in a nutshell, I'm feeling so bad. I'm losing the baby I brought into the world and I'm missing her so much. Some days it feels so overwhelmingly difficult ~ like I've already 'lost' her to him. I know how manipulative he is and I know he's working on her. I also know that I have to keep it together for Kara's sake but at the moment, I'm failing.

All I want is to be my girl's mum. I don't want her left with others when I am here to care for her. It all feels so very wrong.

No More Rats

Well, that's what I said last Friday to to the vet ~ they have cost me a fortune in the past. But then, on Sunday, I called around Adelaide searching for one. I just knew if Kara came home to an empty cage that she'd find Violet gone harder......

After about 15 calls and having to answer "do you want a live or frozen one" a dozen times, I finally found a female. I drove to get her and as I was about to leave the carpark, I wondered if she should have a friend. Sooooo, I went back in and bought a Rex Rat (curly coat/whiskers). So now we have two..... they better survive.

On Monday night, Kara said to me "Mummy, thanks so much for buying Sally and Dasher because I wouldn't have survived if you didn't". She's so darn cute.

V xxx

Sally

Dasher ~ named so because she kept running away from Kara

It Shouldn't Make Me THIS Happy, But It Does...

GO THE BLUES

I get soooooo much flack for following them and a lot of that comes from Port supporters, so to win from 30 points down at 3/4 time (in the WET) makes me a happy Jan.

:) :) :) :) :) :)

OK, off to do something worthwhile now :P

:(

I know I've been far from positive lately ~ it's just been such a crappy couple of weeks. Well today is hopefully the peak of the low time.....

I woke at 3am to Kara vomitting everywhere..... not nice. My poor girl was feeling awful today and her father has her this weekend ~ it angers me more than I can express that my daughter doesn't have the right to stay home when she's sick. I hope that if she vomits, it lands all over him. He is just so selfish.

Then this evening, I took Violet (Kara's pet rat) to the vet. She just hadn't improved and over the past couple of days, got worse. The vet said that she was in pain now and she felt Violet was close to dying and suggested putting her to sleep. Kara was already at her dad's and I really didn't know what to do. I know she's just a rat but she's Kara's favourite pet ~ by far. I wasn't sure if I should wait until monday to let Kara see her first but I decided not to. I think it would have been too stressful for my girl.

So now, this weekend is going to be a reallllly long weekend. I'm worried about how K will react to not having Violet and to top things off, I think I'm getting her bug......I need a holiday. I'm thinking of a Melbourne trip for a weekend to take Kara to the footy, zoo and just hang out. Depends on Ebay sales LOL.

xxxx

Honesty is the Best Policy.....

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Who came up with that crappy saying???

Why do people ask for opinions if they don't really want an honest answer? It really sh*ts me.

I can't stand it when a friend puts you in a situation that you can't squirm out of ~ when they ask you something that you either have to be honest with or totally lie about BUT at the same time, you know that the truth isn't what they want to hear.

Well, I can't lie ~ especially about 'big' things. So, if you don't want an honest answer, don't ask me :P

Now, Miss K.

I walked into her room last night and she was crying and looking at herself in the mirror. I asked her what was wrong and she got really upset and said "why am I so ugly Mummy". Gulp. It took all my strength to not scoop her up and cry.... I, of course, told her she is just beautiful, inside and out, to which she said "No I'm not. We're the ugly family". Well, thanks babe LMAO.

Seriously though, I felt sooooo sad for her. I asked her teacher today and apparently there are a couple of kids saying negative things about themselves and others and obviously some kids take it onboard more than others. How can 5 years of 'I love you', 'you're gorgeous', 'you're divine' etc. be undone in a few days. It scares me that she's already thinking negatively of herself.

Retail Therapy Strikes Again...

ARGGGGGGHHHHH

Well, after taking Kara to school and literally having to peel her from me (her father picks her up today), I felt really shit to be blunt. She's regressed big time with the visits and it drags me down...

So, of course, nothing perks me up a like a bit of shopping. Given that our new birds died about a week after we got them (found both of them dead at the bottom of the cage...), I thought I'd get a turtle. Kara and I have had the class turtle a few times now and she's really good with him and he's so easy to care for. I was speaking to somebody about them today and apparently it's difficult to get long neck turtles due to the drought (their breeding is wayyyyy down), so when I found one, I had to have him. He is soooooooooooooooo small and soooooooooooo cute ~ I took a pic near a $2 coin to show you :) His shell is about 2cm (under an inch) in diameter and I'm scared I'm going to kill him too LOL.

Kara has show and tell tomorrow and the topic is "Your Pets". I need to take in some pics for her and I'm going to add one of the turtle to surprise her. I'll take him in too ~ she will be so rapt.

xx

** I had to add the above pic LOL ~ he is sooooo tiny and his tank so big. Kara met him today and has named him Tom (my first guess) ~ she just LOVES him.

Some Quick Pics

I'm feeling really crappy atm so won't type much but wanted to put a few pics up from today.

We went crab hunting with some friends and Kara LOVED it. I was quite amazed at how many crabs there were ~ we caught about 50 but let them all go before leaving of course....

Hope you're all well out there in blogger land.

xxx