Oh My Gosh......

ARGHHHHH

Loooooooooooook!!!!!

Last week, the unimaginable happened..... Kara announced she wanted short hair.

I love her long hair. It's been growing for 5 years and I've always been very relieved that she's loved it too. So when she insisted "it's my hair though Mummy, so I should be able to choose", I had to agree.

So, this morning, we went to get it cut.... I absolutely ADORE it! Her little face looks even more divine and she is so happy with it.

It does make her look older though :( My baby is growing too fast.

xxx

Do you think she likes it? :P

Be Careful What You Ask For....

:P

A few of my friends keep saying this to me, given the dreams I have for a certain person's demise.....

Well, now I understand why they say it LOL.

When Kara goes to her father's house, I have tried encouraging her to call me. Of course a part of the reason is for me ~ I love to hear her voice ~ but I also feel it's important she feels she is able to. Likewise, I also encourage her to call her father...

Her response is usually something along the lines of "I don't feel comfortable doing that".....

For the past couple weeks though, Kara has called me. It began on the days when her father decided it was appropriate to go to work for her FIRST long stay with him ~ I got a call at 6:50 am from her and about 4 more followed.

Now, Kara is more than happy to call me. It's great. Except for the fact that the call comes when she wakes up (and her father is still in bed). So yesterday, it was at 7am and today I was lucky ~ it was 7:25am.

The ONLY positive thing about Kara spending time at his house is the occassional sleep in for me...... well, guess what doesn't happen anymore lmfao.

Having said all of that, there's no way I will ask her not to call. I've never loved being woken so early in my life..... I just *wish* it was a little later in the day :)

xxx

(PS I just added the pic because I like it ~ she is just so beautful isn't she?)

Soon We'll Start Charging.....

Meet Sparkle and Twinkle (LMAO).

These are the latest addition to Kara's animal collection.

My friends just laugh now ~ every time they visit, there's a new pet and they give me grief :P

Honestly, I just cannot help it. Kara, since she was a baby, has had an affinity to animals. She's just always loved them and been great with them and I feel it's something I should encourage.... we go to the zoos etc but she says it's just not the same.

So now she is the proud owner of two birds, a cat, a dog, a rat, fish, snails and unfortunately, her stick insect died. She has her hopes set on a rabbit and turtle next but that won't be happening..... not this week anyway :P

Busy Days....

My girl came home on wednesday arvo and for the first 24 hours, we hugged almost constantly. She kept saying it felt like 100 nights, not only 4 but I'm just glad that first 5 day visit is over. Perhaps next time, her father will spend the time with her.... so convenient that his partner is a teacher :P He is such a selfish being.

We've been so busy.

The night K came home, I had her bestie over as a surprise and we had a small welcoming home party. She thought it was the best lol and the smiles on her face were priceless. She saw our lawn for the first time and I made her a sand pit ~ she loooooooves it.

Kara and Evan

Kara seeing the backyard (it was previously a mud pit) and sandpit!!!

For the next few days, we've had friends over and we just haven't stopped. Today we went to Monarto (an open range zoo in outer Adelaide) and after that, we stopped at Hahndorf for strawberry picking. Kara's been somewhat difficult (tired/unsettled) and I feel like all I've done is tell her off all day but there were some nice times despite that.....

Riding a Camel at Monarto Today

Feeding the Giraffes

Strawberry Picking ~ she LOVED this!

She ended the night off with a spa (her new favourite thing to do LOL) and her behaviour improved once I got a splitting headache and she reaslised she'd pushed me too far..... here's hoping for an answering-back free day tomorrow..... :P

Why after she's been a turd and I've told her off do I feel so guilty? I just hate being upset with my girl.

xx

I Need to Vent

I've tried realllllly hard to stay busy for these 5 days that Kara is with her father ~ really hard. I've just laid 50 square metres of turf, built a sandpit and am about to buy the materials for a roof..... I've been so busy.

This morning, I got a 6:50 phonecall. Of course I worry because Kara isn't at home sleeping. She is fine though... she rang me when she woke up to say hello and I asked where her Dad was. He was still asleep (which is fine ). Kara then went on to explain how it feels like she's been there for more than 4 days and she just wants to come home. She misses me and wants to see me. I assured her we would be together tomorrow and that it's important to spend some time with her Daddy (I really do hate lying to her but in these situations, what choice do I have? Do I tell her he's scum? I think not....)

Annnyway, 2 hours later, my mobile rings again and it's Kara again. She tells me she really misses me. She says she is OK which gives me some relief. I asked her what she was doing and where Daddy was. She said he's at work and that she's been staying with Cathy. My blood begins to boil. Actually, I think it may have passed boiling point.

Look, I totally understand that Dan has a partner. Obviously Kara will spend time with her and as hard as that is, as I don't know this woman, I accept that. It doesn't bother me who he sees, so long as Kara is treated with respect.

What infuriates me is this. My baby girl has been upset for weeks. She, for weeks, has cried and said how she doesn't want to go to her Dad's for 1, 2 or 3 sleeps, let alone 5 days (HER words). I have consistently told her it is good for her to spend time with her father. It's no surprise then, when, this morning, she said "Daddy isn't even here so why can't I just come home?". I just have no answer for that. I had to remain calm but I want to see this man suffer. I hate him ~ I know it's not healthy but he is such a naristic, arrogant, power playing pig.

Ahhhh, that feels better.

Belle

Two years ago today, the unthinkable happened. A beautiful family lost their divine 3 year old girl ~ Belle.

Over the past year, I have got to know your Mummy Belle and so far, all that I've seen is an amazing person with a heart of gold. You are just so so so very missed Angel and I wish I had the opportunity to meet you. I wish your Mummy, Daddy and Sister didn't have to experience what they are today ~ missing you so very desperately.

You've made a difference to this world sweet girl. Because of you, many children travel safer than they otherwise would have, including my Kara.

http://isabelle-broadhead.memory-of.com/About.aspx

Something You Don't Often See

My baby went to her father's today for 5 days ~ I'll probably blog 25 times a day to distract my mind.

Today, before she left, we were taking pics of all of her pets. She insisted I take some of the fish tank and so, of course, I did. She got anything she wanted for the past 24 hours LOL.

So, whilst taking a photo, I noticed this......

Off I went to google it and yep, it's a snail penis ROFLMFAO Apparently, they are non-species specific and will mate with just about anything(in this case, a clam)..... it's gross, fascinating and funny (especially to Kara) all at the same time :)

My angel with her pet rat, Violet. She just adores her.....

The Impromptu Road Trip....

ARGGGGGHHHH

Tuesday night, I went to the airport to send my nephews back home to Melbourne.... they are 8 and 12 years old.

Upon our arrival, I took Jaye to the checkin counter and the staff at Tiger Airlines inform me that children under 14 are not allowed to travel unaccompanied ~ not even at an extra expense (****I did not book the flights ~ I would read the conditions lmao....a man did it haha). So, basically, we were stuffed.

The next morning, Kara, Jaye, Zak and I drove to Melbourne. It was not at all planned ~ the animals were not organised, no packing was done, Kara has school still blah blah blah. I feel soooo buggered, although it's also been great to catch up with people. We head home on Monday and I'm not one bit looking foward to the drive.... as good as Kara is.

Today, we met up with some friends at an indoor playground and look at this pic of my daughter and her cousin..... oh the love :P

And this.... I always get roped in to going down the slides :P

Oh and my girl doing her best to induce heart failure in me..... this slide is SO steep.

It Only Took Two Years......

LOL


About two years ago, I bought a chair, table and footstool set for Kara's bedroom. It was exactly what I wanted but it needed some work... the paint was crappy and the fabric on the chair was blah. I've been wanting to paint them and recover the chair since the day it came home...... well, I finally did it today pmsl.


In our old place, Kara had a feature wall and she's been nagging to have it here also ~ I painted it today and inbetween coats, did the chair and table..... within 4 hours, the lot was done. Amazing what you can do once you decide to do it....


Here is the result.... I made the quilt and covered the chair in the larger floral. I just looooove it!!!

I looooove the cupboard in the corner ~ it was an Ebay bargain that I did up and added the fabric to....

Happy Easter!

THERE ARE EGGGS THERE ARE EGGGS.....


That's how I woke up yesterday and I would have wanted it no other way :) We have had the BEST few days together.


Easter Saturday was a nice surprise ~ 2 of my nephews are down from Melbourne (I didn't know they were coming until 2 days earlier) and so we spent the day with my mum, Fred, Nanna and Jaye.... Jaye then came home with us and is now staying for a week LOL. Having the distraction will be nice and he's old enough (12) to not have to be constantly entertained.


Yesterday was great too. We had lunch at Mum's place and watched the Crows lose (pmsl) and ate way too much...... for coffee and chocolate lovers, you HAVE to do this!!!! I've been melting my (cadbury) eggs in the microwave (in a mug) and then making a coffee as I normally would. OMFG it is soooooo nice..... I'll be doing it until my egg is gone lol.


This year, instead of competing with the Easter Bunny with more eggs, I bought Kara a couple of eggs and a gift. I found a Disney Princess CD player ($19 BARGAIN!!!!) which has straps etc with it and gave that to her instead. As you can see below, it's an absolute winner!


I hope everyone in cyberspace had a good few days ~ we've loved the break.

Crappy Pic of my angel dancing, but I wanted to get the outfit in LOL. This is the third set she's had for easter LOL

This morning with her CD player.... sooo funny :)

So Cute.....

I just wanted to post this because it's one of my fav outfits on Miss K and she looks so sweet in the photo.

Happy Easter to all! xxxx

Our Weekend....

.... has so far been the best in a looooong time.



I've done nothing but think lately. Nothing but worry about what might be. In part, it's been difficult because Kara hasn't had a weekend home for 4 weeks and it's SUCKED. So this weekend I promised myself to just BE with her. To make sure every weekend we get together is positive and fun ~ for both of us. I need my baby to have a happy Mummy and I need her to know I'm always here for her. There have been times of late when I've felt I just can't do either of those things but today, for whatever reason, I feel that I have no choice but to.


We've had such a good start to the Easter break..... it began with us screaming like mad (for three quarters) at Carlton last night ~ Kara dressed in her footy gear and got into it.... it really is just SOOO cute!



This morning, we went for a really long walk around our new neighbourhood :) We haven't done that since moving in due to the Adelaide heat wave and we had a mission to find a nice park. We found an "ok" one and picked overhanging flowers on the way home.....

After that, we baked these shortbread jam cookies.... omg they are DIVINE!!!!

We then had some friends over for the day (the kids had an absolute BALL together) which was just lovely, as we hadn't seen them for some time.



To end the day, Kara wanted to go to the beach to watch the sunset...... we didn't quite make it as the Princess wanted to dress herself (as can be seen below :P) and couldn't find appropriate shoes ~ I really do need to buy her winter shoes!!! We went anyway and walked along the jetty peeking into everybody's fishing buckets ~ Kara just LOVES doing that.




So, things are getting better. I suppose I'm just trying to focus on having my girl for the majority of the time for the next 2 years. If I concentrate on what happens after that, I crumble. I hope everybody's correct in saying anything can happen in two years..... one friend is convinced Kara's father will have triplets with his new partner and they'll all have colic..... I'd much rather he just disappeared.

My Little Green Machine.

It seems like it's been months since I posted and I reckon I've aged about 20 years lol. It's been a difficult couple of weeks ~ realising what the court outcome actually means and what I 'might' lose in 2 years time....I'm already saving for the next trial :P

Kara had her first Sports Day yesterday and oh my, she gets sooooo into events like that. We bought her green tee and put her house team across the front and complete with green zinc, green plaits and green nail polish, she felt pretty special LOL.

Her team came second for the overall sports events and first for cooperation and sportspersonship (I personally think that's the better thing to win :P).

A Post I've Dreaded

Well, I'll keep this short because I'm somewhat shattered atm.

I was given two choices today.

The first. To proceed to trial. Basically, this would have involved the judge (according to my lawyer) awarding 50-50 custody due to the new legislation. This is despite his late application ~ apparently it's just what is done now.

The second. Negotiate.

I chose the latter but now, I feel like the worst mother in the world. I feel like I've agreed to things I just don't agree to, to avoid a worse situation.

Basically, Kara will have week about visits from when she is 7. That's according to the orders.

I just had no choice. If I went to trial and he got 50-50 this year, there would have been nothing I could do. This way, I have almost 3 years before it happens and it gives me a lot of time to appeal if Kara is not ready at that stage.

Thanks to all of you who have left comments, emailed and phoned. Honestly, even coming home today to some new messages lifted me.

I think I'm in denial guys. How will Kara and I not spend one week at a time together? I'm just not dealing with this at all.

Just Gorgeous

Isn't she just lovely?

As I sit here typing (and bawling....), I am imagining the "what ifs" of tomorrow's outcome. I know I shouldn't but it's too hard not to. I try to tell myself that the worst that can happen is 50-50 but that just shakes me to my core. Every part of my mind and soul knows that's not what is best for Kara. It's simply not.

Baby girl, nomatter what happens tomorrow, I love you to the moon and back (more times than can be counted) and I hope I've done enough to ensure you get to keep your stability.

I love you so much sweet girl. You amaze me every second we're together and I'm so so proud of what and who you are. Kisses and hugs to the most gorgeous princess in my world. xxxxooooo

Just When I Thought it was Almost Over....

...... Mr Control Freak hits again.

OK, I'm not too sure what to even say anymore. I'm shocked but I'm not. I'm angry more than anything I think.

We go to trial on Monday ~ well we are supposed to. So, after 2 years, the shit "should" end.

Rewind to last week.....

I was told that Kara's father applied to amend his application to shared care and wanted the trial moved forward. The magistrate CLEARLY refused. He said NO ~ it's too late and you've had 2 years to do this. We will run with the application you have before the court (which is asking for fortnightly weekends). I was rapt.

Fast forward to yesterday......

My lawyer calls. She informs me that he has amended his application anyway (to shared care). She says she is shocked and unsure what will happen. The trial may be moved and the new application heard. The new application could also be tossed out and we run with what we have had in front of us for the last two years. She's unsure which way it will go but is hoping for the latter.

Whatever you believe in, whether it be positive thoughts, prayer, whatever ~ please send them our way. Truly, I'm at the end of my tether with this court shit. I (and Kara) need it to be over so we can just enjoy our time together. I honestly do not know how I could continue on with it for another length of time.

Oh and as a side note..... this ever committed father (as he sees himself) forgot to pick up my baby girl from school yesterday :@ :@ My 5 year old girl was stranded..... his reason? He forgot.

I am so over all of this.

Getting There....

YAYYYYY

After 9 hours of packing and unpacking (two loads) from the moving truck, we finally finished at 6pm on wednesday night. Initially, it was quite enjoyable. There were 6 guys taking directions from me, whilst I sat on msn chatting LMFAO. But then, my phone line was disconnected, so I had nothing to do but help :P

There is crap EVERYWHERE. Basically, I have taken what we absolutely need out and the other 2o38083045 boxes are sitting in the garage.... I'll be unpacking a couple a day. The entire shed contents is outside (in the rain) and I don't even want to think about what's damaged now.....

All in all though, the house is starting to take shape. Still heaps to do but we'll get there :)

xxx

Off We Go......

Well, it's almost 2am here and I still have one room to pack.... with only 2 boxes left. I swear I will never hoard again. The amount of crap I have come across ~ that I don't even remember buying ~ is just ridiculous. My back hurts. I've had 8 hours sleep in 4 days and tomorrow is going to be full on.

When I found out we were moving, I was soooooo happy (I still am!!!). As I pack however, there's a tiny part of me that is finding it difficult. This place is where my baby girl grew up. Where she first walked, talked, played and had friends over (almost daily). Although it's cramped and an absolute mess due to ZERO storage, it's still been our home and it will be difficult to close the doors behind us.....

BUT the new place is just soooo us! It has storage, is open and NEW. I'm hoping like nothing else that it's the sign of things to come for us ~ very exciting.

My next post will be from within our new walls and I'm sure to bombard you with pics that will bore you to tears :P

xxxx

2 Hours To Go :)

Well, thanks to some fabulous (online and real life) friends, I made it through the 3 day weekend without my girl...... I only had one meltdown :)

On Friday afternoon, after our usual 'preparatory talk' Kara came up to me with a necklace she has that has a light on it.... she said this.......

"Mummy, when you miss me, just press this light, let it shine and know that i am missing and thinking of you even more"

It blew me away. She always does. She was wrong though ~ there's no way she missed me more :P

In 2 hours, she's going to get the biggest squeeze of her life.

Hannah's Message

Since the loss of Ava, I've been much more aware of just how many people lose their gorgeous children. I think it's so very important to learn from these angels and to share their legacies.

I'm so sorry to Hannah's parents and family.... that offers little comfort, I know.

http://www.hannahsfoundation.org/Media_Files/Kelly%20HIggins-Devine%20ABC%20Brisbane%2011-02-08_0001.wma

New Beginnings.

For two years, life has been hard. I know it's been much worse for others around me (some people seem to think I don't have the right to stress....) but it has been very difficult. I feel that is all about to change. I can't explain it, I just feel it.

Next week, my girl and I will have a brand new home. It's something I didn't think she would have with me for at least another 10 years LOL but it's happening now and I am so so very happy and excited about it. The floors are being done today, the oven getting put in and window dressings added. Tomorrow, it will be ready for us to start moving things in..... I cannot wait!!!!!

Also, I have recieved some promising news on the court front.... the trial is in 2 and a half weeks but we had a directions hearing last week. Yet again, he who I dislike lots and lots and lots (:P) tried to extend the trial, change his application AGAIN and requested more family assessments. The judge said NO, NO and NO and was not impressed that he even attempted these things, given we've been in court for almost 2 years. We have the same judge in 2 weeks and I hope he stays on that logic..... for my daughter's sake.

So, although just totally exhaused with school starting, moving, court and illness, for the first time in two years, I feel that things will be OK. I feel that Kara will be OK. I feel that 2008 will be such a brilliant year for us and I cannot wait until March the 4th!!!!

xxxx

Seventeen Years Ago......

I became an Aunty :) It was one of the most exciting days of my life ~ I was 14 years old and just so happy to have a nephew.

Today, Ricky turns 17 and I can't believe it ~ I'm sure my sister can't either!!!

I'm so proud of you Ricka. You've grown into an amazing person and both you and your Mum should be proud of that..... I've packed my photo albums for the move, so I'll add some embarrassing shots next week :P

Happy Birthday xxxx

Love to You Princess and Your Family

Tomorrow, in Kara's school newsletter, Ava's Rule will be circulated to the families of over 700 children. Thank you Sheye and Crayton and to you too Princess. xxx

(click to enlarge)

The Super Princess ~ Ava

One of the treasures the girls found ~ Sheye took the pic :)

Fourteen months ago, Kara and I had the massive privilege of meeting some beautiful people ~ the impact that this meeting would have on my life was something I didn't know at the time. Now though, I appreciate those few days more than I can possibly explain.

I will never forget meeting Ava (and of course her divine Mummy, Sheye and her brothers, Luca and Mason). I turned to look at her and tears welled in my eyes ~ I can not explain why that was so. I was so happy to finally meet Sheye and Ava but it was more than that ~ Ava was just 'more'. There was something about her and to this day, I cannot put it into words. Yes, she was beautiful to look at but she was also beautiful in so many other ways. She stole my heart.

Fast forward 14 months and Ava still has part of my heart. Not a single day passes when I don't think of her. Not a single day passes when I don't think about what her family is going through. I just can't imagine ~ I don't want to imagine. It's just too hard.

Ava left this world almost one year ago and the impact she has made is astounding. This has happened via the exceptional writings of her beautiful Mummy and from the simply gorgeous photos Sheye captured of her Princess.

Ava, you will never be forgotten sweet girl. Kara speaks with you as if you are here and I love that. Thank you for the changes you have brought into our lives and the lives of so many others.

I send so much love to you Sheye and of course to your whole family.

Thinking of you this week and always.

I love this photo ~ they were on a mission LOL

So Exciting....

..... well, it's official. Kara and I are moving homes in less than 3 weeks. Our current home is full of boxes and bags (all empty because I have trouble peeling my butt from this couch) and the packing is starting tomorrow (I WILL start tomorrow.....).

The house we are moving into is further from Kara's school but it's just so perfect for us. Longer travelling time is a small sacrifice. It's brand new (the floors are being done next week) and the kitchen/lounge area is open plan. The lounge leads to glass sliding doors which overlook the backyard ~ not a mansion by any standards LOL but we will be so happy there. Where we are atm is so boxy and cluttered ~ I can't see Kara if she's outside (which I hate due to having a trampoline), so I go out with her. In the new place, she can play outside as much as she likes and I will be able to keep an eye on her. It's a small thing but I'm so glad about it! It's also under 3 mins from the beach and if you know us, you know how much of a bonus that is!!!!

This is going to be a new beginning for us. Kara is so very excited (I was worried about more change and it's effect on her), as am I. After two years of difficult times, it feels like things are changing now.... finally.

Happy and Sad

That's exactly how I feel today. So so very happy that my angel has started school because she is more than ready but also sad that she is ready!!!! It's very strange. She looked all grown up today and settled in straight away. I'm just oh so proud of her and glad that she stayed home last night ~ she woke up this morning and said "Thanks so much Mummy for letting me stay at my home last night". Any punishment I get will be worth that.

I love you baby girl. So so much. xxxxx